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Forums > Social Discussion > Is Love Blind............ Or Worth it
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
Posted:
Another happy post. I have just been majourily screwed over last night by my girlfriend when I found out that she was sleeping with someone else, (isnt she nice). looking back now i can see all the signs but i was to inlove to accept them. So is love blind????? or worth it if you just end up getting hurt?
Another happy post. I have just been majourily screwed over last night by my girlfriend when I found out that she was sleeping with someone else, (isnt she nice). looking back now i can see all the signs but i was to inlove to accept them. So is love blind????? or worth it if you just end up getting hurt?
Cogito Ergo Sum
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king"
Does that mean if I never fall in love, I can rule the world?
"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king"
Does that mean if I never fall in love, I can rule the world?
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
yes it does Sethis!!!! and i look forward to the day you become king of america.
Anyway, sounds like you playing it safe Jastapus, i like it.
Giving yourself time and space from her will let you know how YOU feel about HER. Then you'll know whether what she did really matters that much to you in comparison to being without her, if thats makes sense? remember everything now is on your terms and you terms only...dont take no sh*t from her.
Good lad. a very mature response to the situation in hand.
Sethis, you rock at relationship rappor!!!
yes it does Sethis!!!! and i look forward to the day you become king of america.
Anyway, sounds like you playing it safe Jastapus, i like it.
Giving yourself time and space from her will let you know how YOU feel about HER. Then you'll know whether what she did really matters that much to you in comparison to being without her, if thats makes sense? remember everything now is on your terms and you terms only...dont take no sh*t from her.
Good lad. a very mature response to the situation in hand.
Sethis, you rock at relationship rappor!!!
You'll find me on the dance floor
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
Posted:
^^
Thank you! I do my best.
"King of America"
Very good response as well, Arty.
I think really, if you close your eyes in Love then you lose your situational awareness. In the haze of
then it's easy to wake up and think "Hang on, where are we now?" And realise that you've changed, your partner has changed, and the relationship is teetering on the edge. It's much better to remain aware so you can anticipate problems and adapt. I know it can be difficult, but so many arguments could be avoided if people simply paid enough attention to their partner's body language, tone of voice, etc.
It's like me asking someone "Are you alright?" and they say "Yes" and I wander off thinking they're fine. But if I stopped and said "Really? you know you can tell me about any problems, right?" then maybe they'd break down in tears and actually tell me that they're sick of me taking corners too fast in my car (for example). Only then could I actually begin to try and solve the problem. Ultimately, you need to know how your partner feels, so you can accomodate their needs and desires.
^^
Thank you! I do my best.
"King of America"Very good response as well, Arty.
I think really, if you close your eyes in Love then you lose your situational awareness. In the haze of
then it's easy to wake up and think "Hang on, where are we now?" And realise that you've changed, your partner has changed, and the relationship is teetering on the edge. It's much better to remain aware so you can anticipate problems and adapt. I know it can be difficult, but so many arguments could be avoided if people simply paid enough attention to their partner's body language, tone of voice, etc.It's like me asking someone "Are you alright?" and they say "Yes" and I wander off thinking they're fine. But if I stopped and said "Really? you know you can tell me about any problems, right?" then maybe they'd break down in tears and actually tell me that they're sick of me taking corners too fast in my car (for example). Only then could I actually begin to try and solve the problem. Ultimately, you need to know how your partner feels, so you can accomodate their needs and desires.
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
J-J has a really good point... people get too caught up in ideals, or in what they think they have, and then they wake up and wonder what happened.
In my case, recently, I got caught up in a commitment I had made- and I finally realized that the best way to honor the commitment was to leave the relationship. I've since realized that there is no way I can truly honor it- there has been too much of what is essentially abuse visited upon me for me to ever want to be in a close relationship with the person involved. I don't really know what to do- I don't want to break my word but I wasn't expecting anything as severe as what I got.
But thats a bit off topic- altho everyone else seems to be doing a brilliant job advising the current situation.
J-J has a really good point... people get too caught up in ideals, or in what they think they have, and then they wake up and wonder what happened.
In my case, recently, I got caught up in a commitment I had made- and I finally realized that the best way to honor the commitment was to leave the relationship. I've since realized that there is no way I can truly honor it- there has been too much of what is essentially abuse visited upon me for me to ever want to be in a close relationship with the person involved. I don't really know what to do- I don't want to break my word but I wasn't expecting anything as severe as what I got.
But thats a bit off topic- altho everyone else seems to be doing a brilliant job advising the current situation.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
member
41 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
41 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
Without knowing any of the details of your current situation, the only comment I can make here is:
Don't forget you have a commitment to yourself and your wellbeing too. I believe this is the most important commitment anyone can have; not only because you are important but also because taking care of yourself enhances your ability to help others, rather than detracting from it. By putting others first and not taking care of yourself, you ultimately (in the long run) limit both the help you can give and your own growth.
Apologies if this is irrelevant or inappropriate to your particular situation
Without knowing any of the details of your current situation, the only comment I can make here is:
Don't forget you have a commitment to yourself and your wellbeing too. I believe this is the most important commitment anyone can have; not only because you are important but also because taking care of yourself enhances your ability to help others, rather than detracting from it. By putting others first and not taking care of yourself, you ultimately (in the long run) limit both the help you can give and your own growth.
Apologies if this is irrelevant or inappropriate to your particular situation
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
no, its brilliant
sorry, im still feeling lovey dovey after reading doc's baby thread *sigh*
no, its brilliant
sorry, im still feeling lovey dovey after reading doc's baby thread *sigh*
You'll find me on the dance floor
member
41 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
41 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
bigs for all the people who've told me my posts are insightful/brilliant
Thanks guys, it made me smile to know that you appreciated them
And an extra special big hug for Kyrian, who even sent me a pm to tell me so.
big
s for all the people who've told me my posts are insightful/brilliantThanks guys, it made me smile to know that you appreciated them
And an extra special big hug for Kyrian, who even sent me a pm to tell me so.
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
You'll find me on the dance floor
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
You're appreciated!! How could I not let you know?
-Kyribug
You're appreciated!! How could I not let you know?
-Kyribug
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
BRONZE Member
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
Posted:
Thank you all so much for the ever growing advise. Also thank you arty for the lovely, kind words.
I agree with J~J, wise words!
The whole situation isnt bothering me that much anymore now. tis nice to just get it all out of my hair for a while. however i miss her........ which sucks!
pfft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways more questions because you now have nothing else to ponder on. Can you fall in love more than once, also what is love, is it just some select brainwaves reacting, your soul found a partner or something else?
thank you for all the comments again. hope to hear soon
Thank you all so much for the ever growing advise. Also thank you arty for the lovely, kind words.
I agree with J~J, wise words!
The whole situation isnt bothering me that much anymore now. tis nice to just get it all out of my hair for a while. however i miss her........ which sucks!
pfft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways more questions because you now have nothing else to ponder on. Can you fall in love more than once, also what is love, is it just some select brainwaves reacting, your soul found a partner or something else?
thank you for all the comments again. hope to hear soon
Cogito Ergo Sum
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
At the end of the day it must be chemicals but i can't say I understand it!
sorry for being so horribly unromantic.
At the end of the day it must be chemicals but i can't say I understand it!
sorry for being so horribly unromantic.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
first we must realise that body and mind are two seperate entities.
love cannot be a chemical reaction soley in the body, otherwise any random connection with jimmy bloggs will be made, and we wouldnt have fantasies or turn-ons, (which come from our mind)
so therefore love must exist in the mind.
i wonder how do the two intergrate? how are we able to move our limbs etc?no-one knows and thats the beauty of it.
how, when you see that special someone, can they make your heart speed up til you think your gonna burst? or give you erect*ons or make you w*t?
its utterly amazing
glad your feeling better about the whole situation jastapus
first we must realise that body and mind are two seperate entities.
love cannot be a chemical reaction soley in the body, otherwise any random connection with jimmy bloggs will be made, and we wouldnt have fantasies or turn-ons, (which come from our mind)
so therefore love must exist in the mind.
i wonder how do the two intergrate? how are we able to move our limbs etc?no-one knows and thats the beauty of it.
how, when you see that special someone, can they make your heart speed up til you think your gonna burst? or give you erect*ons or make you w*t?
its utterly amazing
glad your feeling better about the whole situation jastapus
You'll find me on the dance floor
SILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
You MISS HER!?!? how you can even consider keeping her in your life is beyond me. @#$% her. I'd rather die than cheat on someone.
Written by: Jastapus
Thank you all so much for the ever growing advise. Also thank you arty for the lovely, kind words.
I agree with J~J, wise words!
The whole situation isnt bothering me that much anymore now. tis nice to just get it all out of my hair for a while. however i miss her........ which sucks!
pfft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways more questions because you now have nothing else to ponder on. Can you fall in love more than once, also what is love, is it just some select brainwaves reacting, your soul found a partner or something else?
thank you for all the comments again. hope to hear soon
You MISS HER!?!? how you can even consider keeping her in your life is beyond me. @#$% her. I'd rather die than cheat on someone.
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
All things change in the right situation... do not be so quick to judge either her or jastapus, psy rush...
All things change in the right situation... do not be so quick to judge either her or jastapus, psy rush...
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
We'd all love to agree with you PsyRush, but unfortunately our hearts are never ruled by our heads.
People hurt us, but you cant help how you feel or care for someone. The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.
Its not that easy to actually let that person go, even if you always told yourself you chuck them in that situation.
We'd all love to agree with you PsyRush, but unfortunately our hearts are never ruled by our heads.
People hurt us, but you cant help how you feel or care for someone. The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.
Its not that easy to actually let that person go, even if you always told yourself you chuck them in that situation.
You'll find me on the dance floor
BRONZE Member
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posted:
The way I see it, is in terms of compatitbility. If you are the type that cheats, you are probly compatible with someone who is capable of it. If on the other hand, you are not that kind of person, then you probly dont want to be with someone who is, as you wont be compatible. when I was young I thought the sky would fall if I broke up with my love, now I know that if youre breaking up for legitimate reasons the sooner the better. Mate - unless you have serious involvement eg kids with the girl you are talking about dont waste your life chasing what patently isnt going to work out, look elsewhere. Her cheating is proof that she's quite different from you on a fundamental level as far as I can see, and youd be happier and be able to have a deeper trust with someone else...
The way I see it, is in terms of compatitbility. If you are the type that cheats, you are probly compatible with someone who is capable of it. If on the other hand, you are not that kind of person, then you probly dont want to be with someone who is, as you wont be compatible. when I was young I thought the sky would fall if I broke up with my love, now I know that if youre breaking up for legitimate reasons the sooner the better. Mate - unless you have serious involvement eg kids with the girl you are talking about dont waste your life chasing what patently isnt going to work out, look elsewhere. Her cheating is proof that she's quite different from you on a fundamental level as far as I can see, and youd be happier and be able to have a deeper trust with someone else...
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
BRONZE Member
member
75 posts
Location: In UK for now, but born an lived in ZIMBABWE and S...
member
75 posts
Location: In UK for now, but born an lived in ZIMBABWE and S...
Posted:
I read this quote in a card that got sent to me and thought back to this post-
''3words,2hearts,1love''
I read this quote in a card that got sent to me and thought back to this post-
''3words,2hearts,1love''
SILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
Unfortunately it's not as simple as that.
I agree with the stuff about compatibility, but how do you know that she's a cheater until it's too late?
Written by: arty farty
The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as that.
I agree with the stuff about compatibility, but how do you know that she's a cheater until it's too late?
BRONZE Member
Macaque of all trades
8,738 posts
Location: wombling free..., United Kingdom
Macaque of all trades
8,738 posts
Location: wombling free..., United Kingdom
Posted:
You can't KNOW if someone is going to cheat on you..that would be prophesy and thats not common...
I am currently starting a new relationship and am in that beautiful honeymoon period where we each find each other irresistable. the biggest problem is she lives 120 miles away. But we still manage to see each other down to the fact she is looking at intensive driving courses to pass her test quicker.
I do however feel i couldn't trust a person I knew had been "diddling" another guy, it would break my trust and crush me. It's happened before to me to the extent I kicked her cheating ass out of the flat we owned together, if she truely loved me she would have spoken to me first if she was thinking anything like that....
You can't KNOW if someone is going to cheat on you..that would be prophesy and thats not common...
I am currently starting a new relationship and am in that beautiful honeymoon period where we each find each other irresistable. the biggest problem is she lives 120 miles away. But we still manage to see each other down to the fact she is looking at intensive driving courses to pass her test quicker.
I do however feel i couldn't trust a person I knew had been "diddling" another guy, it would break my trust and crush me. It's happened before to me to the extent I kicked her cheating ass out of the flat we owned together, if she truely loved me she would have spoken to me first if she was thinking anything like that....
A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
What are you jibbering about? my quote relates diddly squatt to your chaffings.
i still think im right. the more you care for someone who f*cked you over big time the more it hurts, compared to dating someone for a week, who you dont have many feelings for at that point in time- thats not gonna hurt much in comparrison, is it really!!
the more emotion you put into something, the more you get hurt if it falls apart.
Written by: PsyRushWritten by: arty farty
The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as that.
I agree with the stuff about compatibility, but how do you know that she's a cheater until it's too late?
What are you jibbering about? my quote relates diddly squatt to your chaffings.
i still think im right. the more you care for someone who f*cked you over big time the more it hurts, compared to dating someone for a week, who you dont have many feelings for at that point in time- thats not gonna hurt much in comparrison, is it really!!
the more emotion you put into something, the more you get hurt if it falls apart.
You'll find me on the dance floor
BRONZE Member
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
member
39 posts
Location: UK, Essex
Posted:
this thread relaly uses the word diddling alot.
well, i am dubbing arty as the wise man for this situation. Have you been through this kinda thing your self or are you just good at giving advice?
well the situation has come to a head now. Weve decided to just be good friends. Im more relieved in the fact that i now have an answer and im not just stuck in the middle. But i do feel surprisingly empty. im sorry for saying this as it seems to offend Psy but alas, helps spilling my feeling on here.
So has any one else been through this kind of situation. If so what was the outcome?
thank you for all the replies, keep um cummin, i also wish you all love life prosperity.
Jastapus
this thread relaly uses the word diddling alot.
well, i am dubbing arty as the wise man for this situation. Have you been through this kinda thing your self or are you just good at giving advice?
well the situation has come to a head now. Weve decided to just be good friends. Im more relieved in the fact that i now have an answer and im not just stuck in the middle. But i do feel surprisingly empty. im sorry for saying this as it seems to offend Psy but alas, helps spilling my feeling on here.
So has any one else been through this kind of situation. If so what was the outcome?
thank you for all the replies, keep um cummin, i also wish you all love life prosperity.
Jastapus
Cogito Ergo Sum
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
One of my closest friends wound up giving his girl another chance after she cheated (mainly, in his mind, because she was drunk at the time and upset about the situation- even, it seems, partway through it happening.) He had a fair amount to deal with- he couldn't understand how she could have done it if she really loved him! But none of us, him included, doubted that she did. They broke up later over religion or some such, but they're still on good terms It was a special situation tho- She wasn't really a typhical girl, things didn't mean what they often do, and he's at least several degrees less possesive than the average guy.
One of my closest friends wound up giving his girl another chance after she cheated (mainly, in his mind, because she was drunk at the time and upset about the situation- even, it seems, partway through it happening.) He had a fair amount to deal with- he couldn't understand how she could have done it if she really loved him! But none of us, him included, doubted that she did. They broke up later over religion or some such, but they're still on good terms
It was a special situation tho- She wasn't really a typhical girl, things didn't mean what they often do, and he's at least several degrees less possesive than the average guy. Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
BRONZE Member
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
I wear yellow on monday
551 posts
Location: Farnham Ahoy, United Kingdom
Posted:
unfortunately i dont have a photo gallery. If i did you would clearly see that Im Trisha Goddard from the popular morning TV chat show 'Trisha' and 'Trisha Goddard' which appears on ITV2.
seriously tho, im glad i can be of assistance. I would suggest staying away from her if you still have feelings for her, as i can only see them confusing you further. but still, its your decision.
Written by: Jastapus
well, i am dubbing arty as the wise man for this situation. Have you been through this kinda thing your self or are you just good at giving advice?
Jastapus
unfortunately i dont have a photo gallery. If i did you would clearly see that Im Trisha Goddard from the popular morning TV chat show 'Trisha' and 'Trisha Goddard' which appears on ITV2.
seriously tho, im glad i can be of assistance. I would suggest staying away from her if you still have feelings for her, as i can only see them confusing you further. but still, its your decision.
You'll find me on the dance floor
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