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SILVER Member
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
Posted:
Would like to know anyone's opinion or advice..
How do you stay friends with an ex?
Previously I have split up with ex's and not had any contact with them ever again.
My recent ex wants to remain friends and I am hoping to stay friends with him because as a person he is one of the nicest people I have met (after gnor of course)....
So how can I make myself get over the emotion and just remain friends with him without feeling the hurt?
Would like to know anyone's opinion or advice..
How do you stay friends with an ex?
Previously I have split up with ex's and not had any contact with them ever again.
My recent ex wants to remain friends and I am hoping to stay friends with him because as a person he is one of the nicest people I have met (after gnor of course)....
So how can I make myself get over the emotion and just remain friends with him without feeling the hurt?
enthusiast
231 posts
Location: Byron Bay Australia
231 posts
Location: Byron Bay Australia
Posted:
I don't really know but I think staying friends with an ex depends on the people you both are and your ability to stay friends without either one wanting more than that. I think a friendship can be much compromised by one person wanting more. The relationship needs to be well over in both your minds before you can be real friends. I think it also depends on both your abilities to forgive to an extent that you can be friends with no resentment. In my experience on this it is good to spend a bit of time apart first but not to lose contact.Then see how it goes. Good Luck, I hope you can sort it out.
majik
I don't really know but I think staying friends with an ex depends on the people you both are and your ability to stay friends without either one wanting more than that. I think a friendship can be much compromised by one person wanting more. The relationship needs to be well over in both your minds before you can be real friends. I think it also depends on both your abilities to forgive to an extent that you can be friends with no resentment. In my experience on this it is good to spend a bit of time apart first but not to lose contact.Then see how it goes. Good Luck, I hope you can sort it out.
majik Live, love, laugh and dance!
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
I'm not too good on the matter, but I can tell you what not to do:
Make sure it's a clean break. Don't unofficially stay together. One person will always feel lead on, and cheated and lured into a false sense of sercurity.
Don't run into it too soon. Give it time. This ties in with the above point, because running into it too soon can mean an unclean break.
I know how it feels to want to just be great friends straight away, and if it works for you - good on you! Please tell me the secret!!!
I hope you can suceed, I really really do! I haven't had too much luck in this area myself, so I hope that it can work out for someone!
I'm not too good on the matter, but I can tell you what not to do:
Make sure it's a clean break. Don't unofficially stay together. One person will always feel lead on, and cheated and lured into a false sense of sercurity.
Don't run into it too soon. Give it time. This ties in with the above point, because running into it too soon can mean an unclean break.
I know how it feels to want to just be great friends straight away, and if it works for you - good on you! Please tell me the secret!!!
I hope you can suceed, I really really do! I haven't had too much luck in this area myself, so I hope that it can work out for someone!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
515 posts
Location: Cyprus
515 posts
Location: Cyprus
Posted:
Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho.
I would agree with the comments above tho, try an make sure that its a clean break and you both feel the same about eachother. if hes still got some feelings for you or vice verca its going to be very difficult.
Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho.
I would agree with the comments above tho, try an make sure that its a clean break and you both feel the same about eachother. if hes still got some feelings for you or vice verca its going to be very difficult.
Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...
ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
192 posts
Location: Wolverhampton
192 posts
Location: Wolverhampton
Posted:
I've got exes that I still talk to, but it's hard to remain friends and not have some kind of expectations from them. I think the important thing is to be sure that your relationship is truly over, spend some time completely apart with no contact so that you have a chance to take stock of the situation and how you feel about things. If you meet your ex, make sure it's in a social situation and preferably in a crowd so that you're neither of you kidding yourselves it's a pseudo-date.
sin
I've got exes that I still talk to, but it's hard to remain friends and not have some kind of expectations from them. I think the important thing is to be sure that your relationship is truly over, spend some time completely apart with no contact so that you have a chance to take stock of the situation and how you feel about things. If you meet your ex, make sure it's in a social situation and preferably in a crowd so that you're neither of you kidding yourselves it's a pseudo-date.
sin
"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"
BRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted:
I don't know I think you were friends before too it is just that you lost some privileges and nobody says that you have to stop loving you just show it in another way maybe even in a more honest way, try to see it from another point of view and enjoy that he is still in your life stop expectations to avoid disappointments and it won't hurt.
I don't know I think you were friends before too it is just that you lost some privileges and nobody says that you have to stop loving you just show it in another way maybe even in a more honest way, try to see it from another point of view and enjoy that he is still in your life stop expectations to avoid disappointments and it won't hurt.
What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
I'm actually still pretty good friends with most of my ex-es. there are 3 exceptions, two of which involve me being the one to hold the grudge (and I think I am perfectly entitled to given the situations). The other I didn't really try to hard with because I knew she just had the type of personality that does not accept being spurned gracefully and it was therefor pointless to bang my head against the wall of "let's be friends".
Basically I feel time to heal, persistance (after the time to heal), and understanding are the recipie for staying friends after a breakup. It is easy to be amicable after feelings have heeled, but it takes a concerted effort to reforge the way to an un-awkward friendship in the wake of a breakup.
and BTW, venting all of your negative feelings during a breakup may be temporarily satisfying and even therapudic, but it can severly damage the hope of continued friendship later. If you want to remain friends even while the breakup is happening, then treat them as a friend while the breakup is happening.
I'm actually still pretty good friends with most of my ex-es. there are 3 exceptions, two of which involve me being the one to hold the grudge (and I think I am perfectly entitled to given the situations). The other I didn't really try to hard with because I knew she just had the type of personality that does not accept being spurned gracefully and it was therefor pointless to bang my head against the wall of "let's be friends".
Basically I feel time to heal, persistance (after the time to heal), and understanding are the recipie for staying friends after a breakup. It is easy to be amicable after feelings have heeled, but it takes a concerted effort to reforge the way to an un-awkward friendship in the wake of a breakup.
and BTW, venting all of your negative feelings during a breakup may be temporarily satisfying and even therapudic, but it can severly damage the hope of continued friendship later. If you want to remain friends even while the breakup is happening, then treat them as a friend while the breakup is happening.
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Posted:
I'll mention time again - you both need time apart to become your own strong selves as individuals before being 'just good friends'.
I'll mention time again - you both need time apart to become your own strong selves as individuals before being 'just good friends'.
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
"Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho."
I agree with this to an extent.
I don't see how, once you've shared such a close bond with someone, that it is possible to somehow reduce it to 'friendship'. I'm sure some people can... but I feel the loss of a relationship so strongly that any attempt at friendship afterwards only reminds me of what I have lost and that is too painful.
I tend to mourn a lost relationship like a death, because that is how it feels to me.
"Haven't ever had this work for me. usualy have been told ''we will still be friends tho'' to either shut me up or a pathetic exscuse to try an make me feel better tho."
I agree with this to an extent.
I don't see how, once you've shared such a close bond with someone, that it is possible to somehow reduce it to 'friendship'. I'm sure some people can... but I feel the loss of a relationship so strongly that any attempt at friendship afterwards only reminds me of what I have lost and that is too painful.
I tend to mourn a lost relationship like a death, because that is how it feels to me.
Getting to the other side 
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
I think you and Jakes can still be mates Medusa. You seemed like good friends within the relationship and I think Jakes is the sort of guy who you can do that with.
Take care darl
I think you and Jakes can still be mates Medusa. You seemed like good friends within the relationship and I think Jakes is the sort of guy who you can do that with.
Take care darl
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
GOLD Member
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
make an effort to communicate. i dropped out of touch with one ex simply because we never got around to calling each other.
make an effort to communicate. i dropped out of touch with one ex simply because we never got around to calling each other.
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I'm not an expert on the subject as I haven't spoken to 2 of my 3 previous serious girlfriends (which was my choice, to be honest) for years.. but one of them, after a few months of us having broken up, gave me a phonecall and we just.. were mates. We didn't have to work on it, we didn't have to think about it, we were just mates. And we'd ring each other for hours and just make each other piss ourselves laughing because we're great together.
And 5 years on I still talk to her, albeit a little less frequently, and we send each other into fits of laughter because we know each other so well. I think of her as one of my best mates, and one of very few people I trust.
Just don't allow your relationship to be the dominant thing you have/had with the person - the good times, their sense of humour and personality, how much you know them and trust them.. these are the important things.
That's the only advice I have but I hope it helps. Making new friends is great, especially when it comes out of something so painful, but remember that if it doesn't work out you can live without them. And loads of these
I'm not an expert on the subject as I haven't spoken to 2 of my 3 previous serious girlfriends (which was my choice, to be honest) for years.. but one of them, after a few months of us having broken up, gave me a phonecall and we just.. were mates. We didn't have to work on it, we didn't have to think about it, we were just mates. And we'd ring each other for hours and just make each other piss ourselves laughing because we're great together.
And 5 years on I still talk to her, albeit a little less frequently, and we send each other into fits of laughter because we know each other so well. I think of her as one of my best mates, and one of very few people I trust.
Just don't allow your relationship to be the dominant thing you have/had with the person - the good times, their sense of humour and personality, how much you know them and trust them.. these are the important things.
That's the only advice I have but I hope it helps. Making new friends is great, especially when it comes out of something so painful, but remember that if it doesn't work out you can live without them. And loads of these
What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
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