Forums > Social Discussion > Can you have true love without sex?
Login/Join to ParticipatePart-time genius
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
Posted:
A point that's come up on another forum I frequent. Do you think it's possible to be 'in love' without there being passionate exchange?
This leads, I suppose, quite neatly onto the question of whether abstinence before marriage is wise.
Discuss. I'll add my own views when it seems appropriate
Joe x
A point that's come up on another forum I frequent. Do you think it's possible to be 'in love' without there being passionate exchange?
This leads, I suppose, quite neatly onto the question of whether abstinence before marriage is wise.
Discuss. I'll add my own views when it seems appropriate
Joe x
BRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted:
What about that thought (just a thought I had whilst reading) maybe evolution is now so far that the nonresponsible are the fittest!!!
Love is so complex there are all kind ones possible.
What about that thought (just a thought I had whilst reading) maybe evolution is now so far that the nonresponsible are the fittest!!!
Love is so complex there are all kind ones possible.
What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
Looking at how many (teenage or other) pregnancies after drunk sex etc there are, it seems like it sometimes.
One question though... not sure I'll be able to phrase this well, but I'll try.
Why would anyone choose a relationship without sex, with the exception of for example health reasons, inhibited sexual desire (fair enough, noone should have sex if they don't actually WANT to) or being far away from each other?
If you are the kind of couple that decides that sex is not going to be the central part of their relationship, shouldn't that mean that you will be able to just enjoy sex without giving it too much weight, instead of trying to avoid it? And won't you be making it much more of an important thing by having rules about it (like, "not before we're married")?
Surely if you plan to have sex, say after marriage, that means it is a very important concept for you already, because otherwise you'd just say "we don't need sex in our relationship, so we can try it out anytime and then leave it again unless it's really nice and we want to do it more", or "we don't want sex, so we'll only ever do it if we want kids".
Also, personally I don't get the difference between "making your partner happy" (in an attempt of keeping with PG rules) by foreplay or actual intercourse - both mean there is a need for physicality, and saying "it wasn't sex because I used a different bodypart" isn't very convincing to me.
So basically I don't get how it's sometimes the people who insist that sex is least important to them that make the biggest fuss about it
For me it's all about how much you respect your partner(s), not what you actually do or don't do with them.
Written by: babajaga
the nonresponsible are the fittest!!!
Looking at how many (teenage or other) pregnancies after drunk sex etc there are, it seems like it sometimes.
One question though... not sure I'll be able to phrase this well, but I'll try.
Why would anyone choose a relationship without sex, with the exception of for example health reasons, inhibited sexual desire (fair enough, noone should have sex if they don't actually WANT to) or being far away from each other?
If you are the kind of couple that decides that sex is not going to be the central part of their relationship, shouldn't that mean that you will be able to just enjoy sex without giving it too much weight, instead of trying to avoid it? And won't you be making it much more of an important thing by having rules about it (like, "not before we're married")?
Surely if you plan to have sex, say after marriage, that means it is a very important concept for you already, because otherwise you'd just say "we don't need sex in our relationship, so we can try it out anytime and then leave it again unless it's really nice and we want to do it more", or "we don't want sex, so we'll only ever do it if we want kids".
Also, personally I don't get the difference between "making your partner happy" (in an attempt of keeping with PG rules) by foreplay or actual intercourse - both mean there is a need for physicality, and saying "it wasn't sex because I used a different bodypart" isn't very convincing to me.
So basically I don't get how it's sometimes the people who insist that sex is least important to them that make the biggest fuss about it
For me it's all about how much you respect your partner(s), not what you actually do or don't do with them.
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
SILVER Member
member
186 posts
Location: San Francisco, USA
member
186 posts
Location: San Francisco, USA
Posted:
God, all that sounds awful, PK, I'm sorry you guys had to go through that, I'm glad she's recovering and that your son is okay.
Given your wife's delicate health though... wouldn't a condom be best? For a little more peace of mind, and so you don't have anger and fear interfering with your intimacy? I guess it's not really my business, it just sounds painful, and time together should be relaxing, you guys need it.
God, all that sounds awful, PK, I'm sorry you guys had to go through that, I'm glad she's recovering and that your son is okay.
Given your wife's delicate health though... wouldn't a condom be best? For a little more peace of mind, and so you don't have anger and fear interfering with your intimacy? I guess it's not really my business, it just sounds painful, and time together should be relaxing, you guys need it.
"Ours is not to question The Head; it is enough to revel in the ubiquitous inanity of The Head, the unwanted proximity of The Head, the unrelenting HellPresence of The Head, indeed the very UNYIELDING IRRELEVANCE of The Head!" --Revelation X
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
answering for myself:
i have chosen not to have sex in a romantic relationship because sex can change a relationship...i would rather work on the friendship side of things and get a "base relationship" started first.
and it isn't that sex isn't important, but that it takes a seat behind other things that i view as more important
sex is not central but is important, as an expression of the completeness of a relationship
it is hardly the least important. it is very important and that is why some people choose to wait before just giving it away to (random sometimes) people
that is just in my opinion and only relative to me, and only speaking for myself
answering for myself:
i have chosen not to have sex in a romantic relationship because sex can change a relationship...i would rather work on the friendship side of things and get a "base relationship" started first.
and it isn't that sex isn't important, but that it takes a seat behind other things that i view as more important
sex is not central but is important, as an expression of the completeness of a relationship
it is hardly the least important. it is very important and that is why some people choose to wait before just giving it away to (random sometimes) people
that is just in my opinion and only relative to me, and only speaking for myself
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
Hmmmmm, makes sense, but then I feel that I'm friends with lots of people that therefore go in the "friends" category. So obviously if someone moves on from a friend to a partner I already *know* I am friends with them and have that base relationship... no?
I don't see sex as giving something away, more like sharing something wonderful. It's not like if you "give" it to someone you have less of it, is it? You rather have more, because whoever you give it to gives you something unique and great back.
Hmmmmm, makes sense, but then I feel that I'm friends with lots of people that therefore go in the "friends" category. So obviously if someone moves on from a friend to a partner I already *know* I am friends with them and have that base relationship... no?
I don't see sex as giving something away, more like sharing something wonderful. It's not like if you "give" it to someone you have less of it, is it?
You rather have more, because whoever you give it to gives you something unique and great back. "vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
well, as i stated, for me
i have many aquaintances but very few friends...and a few, i've had sex with, and it has ruined a few friendships because it was too quick and one of us couldn't handle the unintentional change...and i have other friends that we haven't had sex...probably closer to the nonsex friends
i spoke glibly but sometimes it is giving away because the other person takes but does not give back...sharing i hope would involve a give and take for both parties...just a little semantics but in some cases, i agree with you brigit
i would say that yes sometimes you give, and it feels like you have less of something, but that might be a whole other discussion with whole other ramifications (i just like that word and it's fun for the subject matter :P )
well, as i stated, for me
i have many aquaintances but very few friends...and a few, i've had sex with, and it has ruined a few friendships because it was too quick and one of us couldn't handle the unintentional change...and i have other friends that we haven't had sex...probably closer to the nonsex friends
i spoke glibly but sometimes it is giving away because the other person takes but does not give back...sharing i hope would involve a give and take for both parties...just a little semantics but in some cases, i agree with you brigit
i would say that yes sometimes you give, and it feels like you have less of something, but that might be a whole other discussion with whole other ramifications (i just like that word and it's fun for the subject matter :P )
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
I see what you mean, but I think it's the same in all types of relationships... a nice person will take care to give about as much as they take, and a not-so-nice person will focus on taking, but that happens with or without sex.
But yeah, whatever works for you
I see what you mean, but I think it's the same in all types of relationships... a nice person will take care to give about as much as they take, and a not-so-nice person will focus on taking, but that happens with or without sex.
But yeah, whatever works for you
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
Pooh-Bah
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
Posted:
I friend of mine said the other day that the difference between a great friendship and a relationship is sex.
I love my friends..
i spent the end of my last realationship thinking that you don't need sex for a satifying relationship - it was great to begin with and then he started to give me the cold shoulder, citing 'emotional' reason (aka baggage). For me personally after a while I was just lieing to myself.. Thinking of it now.. the shunning really hurt me.. so *that* particular love couldn't survive without sex - but I guess that meant that it wasn't true love..
Sigh..
I friend of mine said the other day that the difference between a great friendship and a relationship is sex.
I love my friends..
i spent the end of my last realationship thinking that you don't need sex for a satifying relationship - it was great to begin with and then he started to give me the cold shoulder, citing 'emotional' reason (aka baggage). For me personally after a while I was just lieing to myself.. Thinking of it now.. the shunning really hurt me.. so *that* particular love couldn't survive without sex - but I guess that meant that it wasn't true love..
Sigh..
I honour you as an aspect of myself..
You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..
newbie
18 posts
Location: Guatemala
18 posts
Location: Guatemala
Posted:
define: desire
define: love
i've found a lot of similarities, i desire you to be with me
i love you,, i dont know but i feel love is already within you so you dont have to be looking around for love
define: desire
define: love
i've found a lot of similarities, i desire you to be with me
i love you,, i dont know but i feel love is already within you so you dont have to be looking around for love
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Frank Outlaw
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
.. if i had the time to go to the chemist i would... i work long hours and its a physical job. I come straight home from work as i work 8am til 6.30pm 6 days a week... Serena can't drive the car, or walk the 2km to town because of her lack of energy... not that i'm making excuses, but i'd rather go with out sex with or without the risk of her becoming pregnant another time.
As i said before .. it's the lack of taking my thoughts and feelings in to consideration that bothers me the most, a horny woman that i love who wants it...
i should be jumping on that wagon, but im not for my own personal feelings.. condoms or not.
Also as i said to Birgit, if we were sure that 100% we didn't want another child that i would have the operation.
(glad your a little clearer on my situation.. not a simple one i assure you)
Written by: Gnarly Cranium
God, all that sounds awful, PK, I'm sorry you guys had to go through that, I'm glad she's recovering and that your son is okay.
Given your wife's delicate health though... wouldn't a condom be best? For a little more peace of mind, and so you don't have anger and fear interfering with your intimacy? I guess it's not really my business, it just sounds painful, and time together should be relaxing, you guys need it.
.. if i had the time to go to the chemist i would... i work long hours and its a physical job. I come straight home from work as i work 8am til 6.30pm 6 days a week... Serena can't drive the car, or walk the 2km to town because of her lack of energy... not that i'm making excuses, but i'd rather go with out sex with or without the risk of her becoming pregnant another time. As i said before .. it's the lack of taking my thoughts and feelings in to consideration that bothers me the most, a horny woman that i love who wants it...
i should be jumping on that wagon, but im not for my own personal feelings.. condoms or not.Also as i said to Birgit, if we were sure that 100% we didn't want another child that i would have the operation.
(glad your a little clearer on my situation.. not a simple one i assure you)
BRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted:
Birgit: It is not my view, my opinion or something it was just a thought to think about. I dont think people should act unresponsible to be the fittest.... dont get me wrong...
PK: an extra big for you and your familiy
Written by: BirgitWritten by: babajaga
the nonresponsible are the fittest!!!
Looking at how many (teenage or other) pregnancies after drunk sex etc there are, it seems like it sometimes.
Birgit: It is not my view, my opinion or something it was just a thought to think about. I dont think people should act unresponsible to be the fittest.... dont get me wrong...
PK: an extra big
for you and your familiy What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
nah, not getting you wrong!
But it does seem that, if the number of offspring is the criteria for "survival of the fittest", people who can't figure out or don't care about contraception, and don't mind living off the government, are way ahead of us "normals".
nah, not getting you wrong!
But it does seem that, if the number of offspring is the criteria for "survival of the fittest", people who can't figure out or don't care about contraception, and don't mind living off the government, are way ahead of us "normals".
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
It is those that reproduce more offspring to gain more social benefits from the state that get me down.
You know the ones who don't wish to work a day in their lives and make more children because they can claim more from the state for every child they parent.
Not really what I would call a normal family unit.
But I presume that they love their children just the same as I love my little one.
Just my thought on reproduction for the wrong reasons.
Love certainly is what you as a person associate from feelings and emotions to that word.
I love my girlfriend.. but I also love my son.. I also love my friends but each have a different feeling and emotion to them, take for example I have sexual and intimate feelings towards my girlfriend, where as I have a strong bond with my son, with emotions of proudness and glee knowing that I helped give him life if however in to the crewel and deceitfully government controlled world that we live in.
But also I can crush on my friends .. that is a different feeling all together.
On a note about survival of the fittest, if you ask me it is those with avast amounts of money that survive, but it is the working class that have to fight to survive and come out trumps above the rich as it brings them a sense of achievement and people skills... the rich ... well I don't know, I'm not rich and probably never will be and I don't know any one that is, so I can't give an opinion there.
It is those that reproduce more offspring to gain more social benefits from the state that get me down.
You know the ones who don't wish to work a day in their lives and make more children because they can claim more from the state for every child they parent.
Not really what I would call a normal family unit.
But I presume that they love their children just the same as I love my little one.
Just my thought on reproduction for the wrong reasons.
Love certainly is what you as a person associate from feelings and emotions to that word.
I love my girlfriend.. but I also love my son.. I also love my friends but each have a different feeling and emotion to them, take for example I have sexual and intimate feelings towards my girlfriend, where as I have a strong bond with my son, with emotions of proudness and glee knowing that I helped give him life if however in to the crewel and deceitfully government controlled world that we live in.
But also I can crush on my friends .. that is a different feeling all together.
On a note about survival of the fittest, if you ask me it is those with avast amounts of money that survive, but it is the working class that have to fight to survive and come out trumps above the rich as it brings them a sense of achievement and people skills... the rich ... well I don't know, I'm not rich and probably never will be and I don't know any one that is, so I can't give an opinion there.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
that's lovely
Written by: Birgit
I don't see sex as giving something away, more like sharing something wonderful. It's not like if you "give" it to someone you have less of it, is it?
that's lovely
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
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