Forums > Social Chat > lets have a giggle

Posted: 24th Oct 2002
man walks into a bar and goes for some peanuts, out of the bowl comes a voice "phooooar you look fantastic!!" so the guy walks ova to the fag machine another voice come out and says "euuuugh your sooo fucking ugly!!" then the barman comes over and says "sorry mate the nuts are complimentry but the cigarette machine is out of order!!"
well........... i thort it was funni!

i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear

Posted: 24th Oct 2002

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
ok this is not my joke- so dont blame me. but me and my friend laugh every time... and i love it.

there is this duck and it walks into a pub and up to the bar. he looks at the bar man as he says "can i help you, sir?" the duck nods and says "have u got any lemons?" the bar man loks down at the duck and shakes his head. "no sorry sir, we dont" and the duck walks out.

10mins later the duck walks back in and up to the bar and asks the bar man "have you got any lemons?" the bar man turns around to see the duck looking at him. he walks over to the bar and says "no. i just told you that a while ago." and with that the duck walks out the bar again.

10mins later the duck walks in up the bar once more. the bar man walks over the duck and asks "how may i help you now!?" the duck looks right at him and asks "have you got any lemons?" the bar man is fed up with this and yells "NO!!! if you ask that once more i will nail your feet to the ground!!!!" the duck turns around and walks out of the pub.

10mins later the duck walks back into the pub. he walks up to the bar and asks "have you got any nails?" the bar man looks around to the duck and says "no" with that the duck asks "have you got any lemons?"

the end.

ahh. i like it anyway. hehehe.

And wherever you've gone and wherever we might go. It don't seem fair. Today just disappeared.

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
Since we're all in the pub anyway:

A rather petite man walks into a bar, and orders a shot of whiskey. He ponders it for a moment and comments "Lawyers are @$$holes!" A big guy in a suit, sitting a few stools down perks his head up from his drink, but says nothing.
The little guy orders another shot, just before downing it, he says louder "All lawyers are @$$holes!" He downs his liquor in one gulp. The big man is visibly perturbed now.
Once more the man orders a shot, and just before downing it yells out "Lawyers are such @$$holes!!"
The big guy stands up, kicking his stool behind him. He stomps over to the pipsqueak and stands towering over him. "Hey, what yer sayin' pisses me off!
The little guy asks indignantly "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
To which he replies "Nope. I'm an @$$hole."

[ 25 October 2002, 21:06: Message edited by: Prometheus ]

Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
two elephants are walking along having a chat, when all of a sudden they both fall off a cliff...

BOOM! BOOM!

any further basil brush references will be rewarded with a gold star

"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
What's pink, 18 inches long and makes women scream in the middle of the night?

Cot death.

We all float down here.

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
ooo - bad taste!

I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
A dsylexic man walks into a bra..

Sorry
no i'm not it's great

x Tennis x

P.s kitty our little rave queen why such a sorrowful quote? And where did it come from?

"i heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate all the food in the restaurant and then got kicked out of the restaurant"

My cat's breath smells like catfood

Posted: 25th Oct 2002
woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre.
so he gave her one.