Forums > Social Chat > Nothing 2 do with poi but " how can i get my ex back or interested?"

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Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
Hey Guys, Didnt know who to ask this question so thought i'd ask u lot so hopefully i'll get a varied response.I split up with my b/f in October an since then can't stop thinkin about him "i Love him sooooo much", since we split he's been in contact an said how much he missed me an that he was stupid to let me go etc etc, but if i ever talk about it i think it scares him off.He thinks very logically, i wrote him a letter an told him theres not a logical answer for everything an for him to follow his heart, after this he got in contact with me loads an said that our day would come.Life got bit hard so i moved 350miles away(due to family stuff), when i got 2 my home town again he called sayin how he missed me. This was 2 weeks ago but he thinks now that its best if we don't c each other cause its too hard.Can you think of any way to get him to realise what we had? or to let him know that i love him without soundy pushy or weird? I've given him space but still want him to know that i care, even if just as mates.We had a wicked relashionship, loadsa laughs, fun it'd be a shame to throw it away.An i know he thinks that too.Shall i send him a velentines card or somthing? Any suggestions would b ace, its on my mind alot.Cheers Loleena xXxXx(twirling is keepin my mind occupyed well) smile

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


SteelWngsBRONZE Member
member
169 posts
Location: Malden, Massachusetts United States, USA


Posted:
Ok, oubvious question....Why did you break up in the first place?------------------Blessings to all, Peter "In motion, move like a thundering wave. When still, be like a mountain.Rising up, be like a monkey. Land swiftly and lightly like a bird. Be steadylike a rooster on one leg. One's stance is as firm as a pine tree, yetexpresses motion. Spin swiftly and circularly like a wheel. Bend and flexlike a bow. Waft gracefully like a leaf in the wind. Sink like a heavy pieceof metal. Prey like a watchful, gliding eagle. Accelerate like a gusty wind." Wushu Proverb

Blessings to all,
Peter
When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon ...you just have to outrun the halfling.


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
Be honest.It's my cure all, never fail, always best option. If that's how you want to live your life. If you really want an honest, true, loving relationship: Be honest loving and true. Tell him how you feel in a nice way in a nice place, and then listen to what he says. And then respect that.It actually sounds like HE'S not being honest with you or himself. He's pulling the "Oh I love you but I just don't know..." crap that some guys pull when they don't know what they want.If you both want it, go for it. If he's being tentative, it's not going to happen. You don't want someone who "kinda wants you sometimes I think..."You deserve better than that. Everyone does.And I wouldn't make any major decisions around valentines day either. It's a landmine. wink

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Here, Here NYC!What it sounds like to me is that he is trying really hard to not hurt you, telling you what you want to hear but buffering it with the obligatory "but I don't think it'll work."Lay it all out on the line and tell him (not write, I am saying full on eye contact discussion here, so you can see his true reaction) how you feel. Once you get that out of your system, step back and wait."If you love something set it free, if it returns it was meant to be" kind of thing.The most important thing to remember is that it takes two to make things work. You can try to convince him until you are blue in the face, but if he is not feeling it honey, it won't float.I agree, you deserve better than to be played around. Yup, the pain will suck. And yes, you will move on and heal. Then one day when you are not looking, the right person who says he loves you and wants to be with you, and means it with all his heart, will be there for you.First step is talking though (remember...eye contact!), and work from there.Oh, and NYC couldn't be more right about the Valentine thing. That exacerbates everything in my book! smileBest of luck to you...no matter how it works out have faith in yourself and not blame(most important)and believe that it was for your best interest. smile------------------Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir...https://www.pyromorph.com

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
Thank u all for replying, wise words!Steelwings: well we were goin good for ages then Gregg got really down, i tried to cheer him up but it was to do with his work an stuff an he said he needed to sort it out himself. Then over a few months he got really cold with me an didnt show many signs of affection, i told him that i was always here for him but that i needed to feel more wanted as i was abit down at the time too.He kept sayin i deserved better.Then it just seemed like we were mates, an it wasn't what i really wanted in a relasionship so i spoke to him about it an we decided to split, he still kept sayin i deserved better even though i said he was perfect how he used to be.We got back together a week l8r but things didn't seem to write an when i questioned it he said he needed more of a mate then a g/f at the time which was fair enough. He does lots of hobbies an said he didnt have much time for a g/f an thought i deserved better.NYC: I'll try that one, i don't wana come across all weird on him tho an push him away even more tho, but i'll definatly try an talk to him before i go back to Cornwall (dedcided to move away) will help me get over things, too many memories here.Yeah true i think he is confused at the mo, i think i should just give him some space/time but its soooo hardPele: yeah i think that is true about him trying not to hurt me, it does sound like that after thigns he's said to me frown I just gota try hold my head up high but i'm finding it well difficult.Thanx for the advise!Loleena xXx

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


CassandraFroggie ... Ribbit !!!
4,224 posts
Location: Back in Paris... for now !


Posted:
Hi Loleena, I hope you won't be offended with what i'll say.I thing the words of NYC, Pele Steelwings are wise and you should listen to them.My feeling from my personal experience (and you know that this is biaised by definition, so i am just sharing experience) is that it is very good to have a discussion with an ex to clear things out. I personnly flew to my ex once (over 4 hours) just to have that bloody discussion... I flew there to try and solve things , but i flew back realizing that all i needed was a clear end to it .I somehow beleive that when there is a break up you need some time of silence apart from eachother.I am the last person to say one can never get back with your ex, but I sincerely beleive that it is only possible after quite some time.. maye a few months, years of growing up and apart from eachother and then meeting again on new basis.Please don't think i try to make you sad. And I am far from pretending that i know the truth REALLY !!! it is obvious that he cares for you and you do too, but maybe you need to clear things up within you and THEN between the two of you just cause pain sometimes makes things so cofused and you take pain for love, kindness for understanding etc...Ad NYC is right, no need to pretend or play, be yourself and honest no matter what you do smileJust my two honest cents, don't know if they make sense but sure hope everything will be fin with you smileshine onCassandra

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"


BEZERKERenthusiast
237 posts

Posted:
If you really want him back you could always follow the suggestion offered to Julia (Gulia) in The Wedding Singer to get her fiancee to set a date.Her mother says "A fake pregnancy might be on the cards. He may be mad at first but later he'll thank you for it."Just trying to put inject a smile smile not insult.I agree with what everyone has said here. There's plenty of wonderful people out there done't waste your time if he's not gonna play the same game as you. It may hurt at first when you still love him but is it him or the idea of having him that you love?

CassandraFroggie ... Ribbit !!!
4,224 posts
Location: Back in Paris... for now !


Posted:
Bezerker... i know you are kidding, but my heart just exploded reading this child thing.I've seen quite a lot of people play with that and actually do it and it drives me up the wall.A pregnancy might tie the guy down if he has some sense of responsabiity/guilt but definitely NEVER make him fall in love if he no longer is... it is just postponing the unavoidable`..Seriously, i find this really a terrible thing to do to oneself, to a guy, and most of all to a child who's never asked to be born as a toy to get a boyfriend back !!!i know i get carried away and noone means it seriously here, but this is just one of those things that make me jump ...Anyway, i don't know what will happen, loleena, but all I wish to you is happiness smileshine onCassandra

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)Enter a "Title" here:
2,905 posts
Location: San Diego California


Posted:
Look I am no master of love but I tend to have a different view than others so please hear me out.In the end all that you have gotten off this site has been suggestions YOU and you alone can get your ex back. You need to be the one in the trenches so to speek. We can not do this for you. So it is now time for constructive learning what plans do you have for getting your love back? If you dont want to answer that then its all good but like I said in the end its up to you.

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"


Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
Hey Casssandra,No what you said didnt hurt me, its good that ppl are honest an say what they think smileI've decided today that its not really worth chasing (he's ignoring me at the moment, cause apparently its too hard to stay in contact) which is fair enough but ignoring me is just hurting me more.But i've decided to move on an TRY forget him. I'm just gona go out an have fun an hopefully things will fall into place, with or without him.I think what we had was good but i dont deserve to be ignored or whatever so i'm gonna move on.Thanks for the advise, its really helped. Its better when i have a few ppl's opinions helps me make the big one eaisier, especially when you all have said simular stuff.Bezerker: ha ha, that did make me laugh/smile, smile I don't think i'd go that far,lol but nice tryThank you all, i'm now going to phone a few friends an try arrange a major piss up an have fun smileLoleena xXxXx

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


Acidmember
110 posts
Location: Israel


Posted:
heyi know what im going to say isn't connected in the least to what you're talking about but i didn't want to open a whole new discussioni broke up with my boyfriend of (a month!!1)about a month agoi didn't feel i connected with himanyway now i feel as though i made a huge mistakecould it be that i suddenly "love" him or is it because i don't have him for myself?whateverthanx

life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans John Lennon


Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
I totally know what you mean, thats what i've been thinkin about my ex, maybe's it's lust or the frill of the chase. Having to make that person want you again.But as i'm learning, if you split up with him beacuse of a problem in the relasionship then theres a huge chance that problem is still gona be there if you ever got him back.I don't really know what to say, its hard when you want someone back an especially if they are not interested. I'm just holding my head high an trying to get on with things now. Try to think positivly Sorry i'm not the best help on this subject, as i'm pretty much in the same boat .XxXxX ((((((((Big Hug ))))))))

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


DomBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK


Posted:
There are many wise words being spoken here. What a cool bunch of people!NYC has a great point: "Oh I love you but I just don't know..." and "Maybe one day" are things often said by people (guys and girls) who have dumped their partners and are trying damage limitation. It actually makes it worse because it gives you hope, and hope can lead to even more unhappiness.Quite often people who have split up get back together through laziness, fear of being alone and massive guilt at having hurt someone so much by breaking up. Well, I did at least and it didn't work out for us.When my last long term partner (of 2.5 years) and I split we both knew that we had to stay friends as we'd lose too much if we didn't. So I insisted that we didn't physically see each other for a couple of months. We spoke every couple of weeks just to say hi, but didn't speak about relationships or anything sensitive. It was hard as we shared a circle of friends and I lost half of them as they decided to be on 'her side' even though we were still friends. Oh well such is life!It took a while, and it was painful (unfortunately more so for her than me), but we set up our own separate lives and now we're both happy where we are. Obviously we'd both love to still be in a wonderful relationship, but we know it isn't going to happen frownAnyway, being single is excellent! Just wish they'd stop filling the TV with adverts for crappy love albums!!! wink

Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
Hey Dom, Yeah i think thats the best way for me to go about things aswell, just leave it a while an keep out the hurtful stuff.Each time i've spoke to him recently i've kept it nice, light an humerous as i well dont want him to think of me bein miserable every time he thinks of me.You ppl are wicked i have to agree with Dom, i'm feeling better already smile nice to know theres good ppl about!(((big hugs to every one)))Loleena xXx

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


Acidmember
110 posts
Location: Israel


Posted:
hey loleena,i was so wrapped up in my post i forgot to wish you luck and happiness- sooo there it is smile

life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans John Lennon


Loleenamember
25 posts
Location: south woodham ferrers, Essex, UK


Posted:
Thankyou acid, nice to know people care smilei'm doin ok just feelin bit low at then moment Thank u thoLoleena

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path an leave a trail


orangemember
158 posts
Location: england


Posted:
am bouncing higher and higher with the energy each morning (o.k. afternoon)i`m re-routing self`ward as my energies have been sent on waves and not tidal`d back to mei`m playing thegrown-up and being adult about it with my childs heartits not supposed to be easy tho` is it?- as otherwise why would`ve you been there...don`t stop the fall of love from being er whats the rate of gravity per second per second ? and beyond!!!the world is full of majiksee you in my thoughts-it`s never as bad if theres someone else going thru` what you are- at adzactly the same time smileand when theres amore - then hopefully we can reduce it to a deal`able with level smileare you lot going to the 'british jjuggling convention' ?i`m doing a couple of poi-workshops there...busy making some kit for peoplehugs all smileremoves motorbike helmet and in a funny voice says - 'have you ever seen me dancin` - i mean reeeeeaaallllllly dancin`?'------------------swoopedinandswoopedoutagain...orange...xxx...

swoopedinandswoopedoutagain...orange...xxx...


Auspoiboymember
219 posts
Location: Melbourne Australia


Posted:
This guy really seems to like you a lot.If i wanted to get back with an ex of mine, i would probably call her a fair bit, tell her i miss her etc.......exactly what this guy is doing.It sounds to me that he is giving of mixed signals, but underlying everything is his longing for you. Maybe you should just sit him down, and say, "Look mate, i still have feelings for you, and i think that you still feel the same way about me. Why don't we give us another shot." Sometimes guys are stupid and don't see whats right in front of them.....i speak from experience. winkAlternatively. Sometimes we break up with people for a really good reason, and then later on we can only remember the good stuff about that person. Maybe you broke up because you guys just aren't meant to be, and forcing the issue may just make things worse.But take advice number 1 before you move to number 2. At least that way you know for sure.Lastly, im pretty lonely down here in Aus......therefore your other option is to move to australia and go out with me wink just kidding.CheersAPB

Good on usGood on us all


Organized Kaosmember
238 posts
Location: Thornhill, Ontario Canada


Posted:
"If you really love someone you've gotta learn to let them go"- Stevie B------------------Do You ever Question Your life? Do You ever wonder Why? Do you ever see in Your dreams, All the castles in the Sky??

Every morning I wake up and hit the ground yawning...


CharlesBRONZE Member
Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand


Posted:
i know it can be a little harsh, but I think what needs to be established is whether you still love them or just 'need' the ex.Love means you want wants best for them, whether or not that includes you as part of their life.Need means you will do whatever it takes to be with them, regardless of how that affects their life.If it's the first, let them know, and they will tell you how they feel, for better or for worse.If it's the second, try to get over it when you can, because need is not a good basis for a relationship...IMHO of course...------------------Charles (AKA INFERNO)newdolbel@hotmail.comhttps://juggle.co.nz/fire/fire.html

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