Forums > Social Chat > In need of serious help, i have never been this confused before

Posted: 3rd Mar 2001
No offense but if she had a problem with your love of fire and didn't talk with you about it then perhaps there was more wrong than what this other party knows or is saying. Honestly don't give up fire for anyone if you love it. If it is part of you they will love you for your dedication not in spite of it. I am not telling you to go to her or not. I am simply saying that I would talk with her first and figure things out from there. Try not to rely on heresay from even the most trusted friends, because they still can't fully know what is going inside of your "ex". Evaluate your love and dedication both to her and fire and see if perhaps you can reach a comprimise. Above all talk my thoughts are that you should talk to her and see what is going on.I am sorry for your hardship. It is never easy. Feel free to email me if you need to vent....spiderblade@yahoo.com.My best to you.------------------Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir...

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

Posted: 3rd Mar 2001
she broke up with me over a text message on a phone! i cant get much from it, shes at least agreed to talk to me, but she blurted out to a freind of mine its cause of the fire, etc

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
That's pretty rough. My sympathies. And breaking up by a phone message? That's low. People deserve more respect.Pele's right, and to what she said, I would add this: we all have to take people as we find them, not as we wish them to be. If she was unwilling/unable to take you as she found you, that's a problem. If you got into fire after you got together with her, well, a relationship must accomodate change. If it can't, the relationship has a problem. The fact that she couldn't talk this out with you (whatever the reason--as Pele said, you should get it straight from her) before just breaking up is another big problem. Do try to reconcile, but don't get over-emotional, and if she does, don't let it rile you, try to keep things calm and just try to think about what might be behind what she's saying.If you can reconcile, great, but don't be a doormat just to get her back--that would lead to resentment in the long run.

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
Dude thats harsh, If she broke up with over something (within the overall picture) so trivial as a hobby then she's not worth a penny. Had you slept with someone else then we could probably understand but simply because you love spinning and the amazing things it can create and do to someone, something not right there.It sucks but its life,peace out bro don't let it get to you, get drunk thats what I say VERY DRUNK ha ha garbo

be excellent to each other: safe:

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
hugs, man...not to harp, but i gotta agree. you don't need the psychodrama, ya know? it's love when she respects you and encourages your hobbies and the things that make you who you are. she doesn't have to like them all, but she does have to want the best for you. (i don't love comics, but i still get excited when my partner takes an evening to sketch them, or gets some new book). do bother to get the truth from her, but don't cave - when the time is right there will be someone who will love you how you are.until then, ya know, we're all here!

AnonymousPLATINUM Member

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
Oh, lamb, I'm so sorry. It's so hard to feel like you have to choose between your loved one and your loved activity. But, truth is, where there might have to be negotiations, it shouldn't be an all of nothing thing. Yes, I'll chime in saying talk with her directly. I'd say she's probably confused about her intentions or she'd be able to break up with you personally. Until you find out from her, it'll be a mystery. Diana

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
Bruv, if ya rekon the relationship is worth saving, i've found that comprimise almost always works.Explain to her the reasons you love fire, and you never know, in time, slowly but surely, she may grow to tolerate or even like it .Make sure you dont make a rash decision. Deciding to give up fire may be a choice you regret in the future. well, good luck. I know its not a decision i would like to make. Cained-and-Unable

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
hey Smitty...i am really sorry about what happened with your gf; i know how much it sucks to break up with someone you love...i am sorry if what i am going to say sounds a bit harsh but sometimes it helps to listen to something you might already know but don't admit to yourself...it seems to me that your 'obsession' with fire is just an excuse; ok maybe not everyone considers it a cool thing but to break up with your bf because of fire? wowwwww that sounds weird; i feel that there must be other reasons about the whole thing...(let alone breaking up with an SMS!!! no comment on that one).my advise to you would be the following: if you feel that you want to try and get her back or just find out why she really broke up with you i suggest you ask her directly; ask her if she feels any pressure by anybody (eg from her parents) because of the fact that you swing fire; if she doesn't ask her if she doesn't like it. if she says that's the reason and that it's either her or fire i would tell her to leave me alone; sounds easier said than done but believe me if you start a relationship like that (ie by giving up one of the things you enjoy most for no obvious reason apart from the fact that your gf doesn't like it and won't compromise) it won't work out. So just ask her to be honest with you and talk to her; be honest yourself and tell her that you think that breaking up with you with an SMS message is low, tell you you believe you deserve more than that...anyways i am not here to tell you exactly what to say, say what you feel and see what she has to say about it - the only way to sort it out is to talk about it...on the other hand you have the option of moving on...ok see what she has to say but don't live in denial;if it seems that she really doesn't want to be with you right now MOVE ON...be strong, you are just 17; believe me there will be plenty of other women in your life who will be better for you ...and most importantly: if you don't get back together DON'T try and keep in touch; tell her that it's better if you don't talk for a while...don't do that to yourself, don't think that you can be friends right now because you will just end up hurting yourself. Give it time Smitty, just stay away from her for a while, go out with yourfriends and have fun... talk about it with your friends, get her out of your system and move on...and soon enough you'll be feeling much much better...i hope i don't sound insensitive; it's just what i think you should consider judging from the little info i have - you are the only one who knows best what to do, each case in love problems is unique but on the other hand some patterns repeat over and over so it's worth having in mind some things and don't get blinded by love...oh and don't be silly; no every single post should be poi/staff related! we all have lives outside swinging too you know - feel free to post again if things are not going well; maybe you won't get the magic answers to your problems but we are here for you if there's anything we can do to help...good luck Smitty, be strong my friend - and remember: 'it can't rain all the time...' ,Simos[This message has been edited by Simos (edited 05 March 2001).]

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
Smitty,Some wonderful advice has already been given.What more can I say...Be true to yourself and take care!Huge hugs
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AnonymousPLATINUM Member

Posted: 4th Mar 2001
If its not what you love its what you do...IOW.....its the fire or me, its your job or me, its your family or me.true you must make sacrafices for love but there's always going to be something else with these kind of people. Its what you enjoy and your not harming yourself or anyone else. Just my $0.02meow!

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
Thank you everyone for ur replys,garbo- that was the night be4, i know it does the trick! lolSimos- i know i am only 17, i do know i am still young in life, i know there are plenty of fish in the sea, heres another catch. she didnt want to speak to me, cause she was "suposidly" on the toilet, so her freind answered, and i spoke to her afterwards. and yet, when she mentioned plenty more fish in the sea, i heard a distinct laughter in the back ground, one that resembled my x's voice. and simos again, well were in the same 'group' so we kinda run into each other alot, so its gonna be hard to stay away.But all is well, from that night, i sat there thining about life, and my situation till the sun came up, cause 100 thoughts going through the head are hard to sleep with. our relationship started with a sun rise, and i ended it with one, i though it was simbolyic, i had no choice, dam not being able to get to sleep.but to all who replyed, thank u!and i reunite with her at an 18th on the 5-6 days (times zones). she has agreed to talk to me about this issuse,i know more than she thinks i know, and my argument is rock solid. its like going into battle knowing u have nothing to loose.so till then i guess its just my thoughts, if u care to know the real reason after my discusion, i'll greatfully post it back in here again,till then, thanks again

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
hey Smitty - good luck with whatever you device to do about this; btw when i said that you are 17 i didn't mean that you shouldn't bother with the situation because you are still young - no not at all that'd be foolish! what i meant was that at the end of the day, if things don't work out you should try and not get too stressed out since at the age of 17 you are quite lucky in the sense that you don't have to take many other things into consideration and therefore life is a lot simpler (although you don't realize it at the time )... oh...and another thing...staying away for me is not about physically staying away, if you know what i mean; you might be in the same group and see each other for many hours each day and still stay away! you just keep a diastance and treat her the way you would treat any other girl...and that means no crazy and mushy phonecalls at 2 in the morning - what was that??? no, of course that doesn't mean it's ok if you call at 1 in the morning smitty (ok ok stupid joke)...anyways good luck again, i am sure everything is going to work out smitty,Simos

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
shes the one whos smsing me, i just reply, like asing how my day was and if we can still be freinds etc.

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
smitty IMHO she is probably doing it mostly because she feels guilty for breaking up with you...tell her that you can't be friends right now, maybe at some point in the future you will be in a position to be friends but right now you are not; so tell her to stop sending you text messages or whatever and tell her that you cannot see her as a friend right now (i think you agree on this one with me)...it's the best way in my experience so far; even if you want to get back together with her this is the probably the best way i think...if she has strong feelings about you then she will miss you if you keep apart for a while and she will think things over again; but until then i think you should just tell her that you don't want her to SMS you etc - tell her you are not mad at her or anything (if you aren't that is) but you think that it's best this way...this is again just my personal opinion smitty based on my experience so far; i don't want to sound patronizing or anything but you do see some things more clearly once you've lived through them... at the end of the day it's your call mate...good luck once more,Simos[This message has been edited by Simos (edited 06 March 2001).]

Posted: 5th Mar 2001
She is probably missing you cause she doesn't want to deal with the consequences of breaking up. She made the decision to break-up ,shouldn't she be able to deal with the concequences? don't get into a Break-up Make-up relationship, thoes are just all head games. Simos is right, If you are friends right now it'll just get too fuzzy, MAYBE later you can be friends, but give time to deal with the break up first. You may have it figured out. but it doesn't sound like she's ready. these things take time. goodluck!

Posted: 11th Mar 2001
well, the night has come, i just though i'd inform the people who replied.i sat down and had a chat with her, and well, things were said, and i realised, shes always the one complaining about people being imature, like valdlising things, but i figured ut, in relationships, shes very imature, a hipercrit so to speak.i realised that i was blind to the truth, and well, she was not worth all this fuss.i keep finding out more truths about her, day by day, and i find it sad, that i was so blind to the truth.what i am trying to say i guess, ive found someone who actualy apreciates me, someone who didnt tell me whats wrong with ,me all the time,but basicaly, WHERES ME KERO is all i have to say! i'm back baby! i'm back into the twirlen life, cant wait to get my stick back out there flamen away,thanks 4 the suport people, i guess motto of my story, dont be blind to lifes lessons or something, ive learnt quite a bit.

Posted: 11th Mar 2001
yeyyyy smitty's back - glad you sorted things out...hehe now get your ass back to swinging fire happy swinging,Simos

Posted: 12th Mar 2001
for sure simos!will do buddy