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Forums > Social Chat > Dumb questions asked on an Australian Tourism Website
Login/Join to ParticipateUnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
My sister sent me this. Made me smile.
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They
were posted on an and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour:
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how
do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - Can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of
them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some info about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia
is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh
forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake
serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian
snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (UK)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
515 posts
Location: Cyprus
Lol those are great, espically the way that they replyed to them!
Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...
ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
2,293 posts
Location: NJ or DE, USA
That definitely made my day.I should start answering silly questions in the same manner.
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Pies Jesu Domine *whack*
Dona eis requiem *whack*
Come join us and chat - we're bored! irc.newnet.net #homeofpoi
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA
I think I'm going to die of laughter. This is great. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
When I was working at the backpackers in Sydney, I checked in an English lad one morning. Conversation went like this:
me: "okay, so you're in room 210. That's on level 2. The elevator is just over there < etc here's your key and your bed linen etc >"
him: "thanks"
He walks away
..... 5 minutes later he returns and says:
him: "what floor is level 2 on?"
me: "uuummmm, it's on LEVEL 2!"
No amount of jet lag can excuse that kinda thing! What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England?
Surely, when you enter an elevator and there is a little button on it saying "2", that should be a good indicator that the floor it will stop on will be Level 2! HoP Posting Guidelines
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Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
HoP Posting Guidelines
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* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
231 posts
Location: Byron Bay Australia
love it! Live, love, laugh and dance!
veteran
1,459 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Written by: flash fire
What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England?
With all due respect flash, floor levels in different countries are often numbered differently, the main differences being between the UK and the US.
see here
Written by:
American English and British English differ in how they describe the floor levels of buildings, a distinction that often causes confusion in each other's countries.
Location------------------------------American English------------------British English
Bottom floor at ground level------First floor-----------------------Ground floor
One floor above ground level----Second floor---------------------First floor
Two floors above ground level----Third floor-------------------Second floor
Put simply:
American English floor number minus 1 = British English name
British English floor number plus 1 = American English name
Compounding the confusion for travelers, some American elevators have a "G" button for an underground garage, while many British lifts use "G" for the Ground floor.
In North America, some buildings may have entrances on two different floors, such as those built into a hill. In these cases, the ground floor is the lower and the first floor is the upper.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely 
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
fine. ruin my funny story.
Or, maybe it was you that I checked in that day?! eh?!!! Still embarrassed about it?
HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Sometimes the questions are perfectly sensible, it's the answers are funny - Customer Service Manager's response to an enquiry about whether a catering food supplier does ice cubes.....
" Yes but we only have the frozen kind"
Yes she was Irish, no it's not anecdotal, i heard her say it
'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Ahem, would you be implying something about the Irish, Englishy-type person?!!
Lol, everyone says silly things from time to time. What else would you have to laugh about over a pint later?!
And Flash, while that backpacker was most likely neither myself or Fab, since we're both Irish girls, I'm fairly sure I have asked many such intelligent questions of hostel staff before... probably worse
I remember spending 20 mins in a lift in the ACB hostel in Auckland when I first arrived (with all my bags - and I don't travel light) - trying to work out a) how the lift worked b) which floor I was on. The worst part was, every time I missed my floor I ended up back in reception - and the girls behind the desk laughed alot when they saw me still standing there the fifth time.
Getting to the other side 
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA
While it's true that floors are numbered differently on different continents, the guy still should have been able to get into the elevator and press 2 to get to "level 2" without having to ask! I expect he was confused because he knew there was a difference, and spaced on the fact that the difference didn't matter in the actual case.
Wild Child, it's still anecdotal. It's just YOUR anecdote! 'Anecdotal' doesn't mean 'an urban legend', it just means there's no statistical data to support it...if it weren't anecdotal that would mean that you could quote stats to prove that Irish people say that all the time...
"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations
enthusiast
249 posts
Location: Exeter, United Kingdom
hahaa! Thats great! Some people are so stoopid.
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Written by: flash fire
When I was working at the backpackers in Sydney, I checked in an English lad one morning. Conversation went like this:
me: "okay, so you're in room 210. That's on level 2. The elevator is just over there < etc here's your key and your bed linen etc >"
him: "thanks"
He walks away
..... 5 minutes later he returns and says:
him: "what floor is level 2 on?"
me: "uuummmm, it's on LEVEL 2!"
No amount of jet lag can excuse that kinda thing! What, is the 2nd floor called something else in England?
So imagine how much worse it would have been if we'd turned up! You've seen how dizzy i am online. Imagine it itn real life....
Meh
84 posts
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa
Love it!!!
Also used to work in service industry. I used to enjoy in when people phone in on public holidays and ask, "Are you open?". One day I'd love to say "no" and see what they say after that.
And BTW, is a Land Area Network in Australia the LAN down under
Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...
Self-Flagellation Expert
3,414 posts
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia
no. but the local area network is :P
and yes, all our planes do land upside down
"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA
"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA
Actually I have called places that answered the phone, I asked what their hours were, and they said "Actually we're closed. I just happened to be here."
Dolts! Don't answer the phone when you're not OPEN!!!!
"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations
1,489 posts
Location: state of confusion
thats hallarious
You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
I was in a hiking shop when someone phoned up:
"I've got a woman on the phone that's after a fleece. Says she had one years ago from here and wants another like it. Says it was a petrolly greeny-blue with a reddish tint."
"... Is she blind?"
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Written by: Firepoise
Ahem, would you be implying something about the Irish, Englishy-type person?!!
Wouldn't dream of it!
Mr Clean, thanx for picking me up on my sloppy use of English - I stand corrected!
Hotels in the UK now routinely start the room numbers with the level no. on the lift to avoid confusion cos it was confusing to have room no 123 on the 1st floor which if you're British is the level above ground but if you're from outside the UK is the ground floor - and then of course there are hotels where reception isn't on the ground floor so you're at a disadvantage before you start....
makes you wonder how we keep it all together in such a messed up world.......
'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Silly Brits.
If the first floor's the second floor, then what's the first floor, the zeroth floor?
Of course, that does raise the rather sticky question of why Americans don't start numbering floors in the basement.
And then, you should see our hospital. You can enter on the first floor, the 2nd floor, or floor B1. Furthermore, you can go from the sixth floor of the parking structure to the 2nd floor of the hospital without going up or down even an inch!
It confuses the living daylights out of patients.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA
Well, Lightning, if the Medical profession didn't want to confuse patients they wouldn't talk Latin all the time! Nimium cervisi ebriat tirones, wouldn't you agree? :-)
I think you'd really enjoy Connie Willis' Passage. It takes the confusing-hospital trope to hilarious extremes. (It's a very serious book, ultimately, but bits of it are laugh-out-loud funny.)
EDITED_BY: Xopher (aka Mr. Clean) (1104514953)
"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Those langauge differences make it really hard when you are learning Japanese and they go on the American system, and you are doing a test and you don't know if you should be writing the australian equivelant or the english transltion of the japanese!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
master of disaster
3,354 posts
Location: New York, USA
kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
That is absolutely hilarious. I've just become one of the annoying people who forwards things, and I couldn't care less. That's fantastic! You made my day
What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
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