Forums > Social Chat > The funniest thing you saw recently???
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242 posts
Location: L.O.N.D.O.N.
242 posts
Location: L.O.N.D.O.N.
Posted:
As a variant to "The funniest thing you heard recently???"
In Delhi, India I was visiting a mosque (as a tourist - I'm a huge fan of Islamic architecture), it was a Friday so it was super busy.
Everything and eveybody was serious and very pious. Then I saw a young guy (early twenties) with a turban on and his t-shirt it read:
"I love feminists
and cute lesbians too"
I had to escape before turning into a giggling puddle on the floor.
Would have been a top photo, but I didn't feel comfortable wipping out my camera during friday prayer.
Whats made you laff out loud recently?
As a variant to "The funniest thing you heard recently???"
In Delhi, India I was visiting a mosque (as a tourist - I'm a huge fan of Islamic architecture), it was a Friday so it was super busy.
Everything and eveybody was serious and very pious. Then I saw a young guy (early twenties) with a turban on and his t-shirt it read:
"I love feminists
and cute lesbians too"
I had to escape before turning into a giggling puddle on the floor.
Would have been a top photo, but I didn't feel comfortable wipping out my camera during friday prayer.
Whats made you laff out loud recently?
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
i know it's possibly a little close to the nail (see what i did there;) ) i bet someone with no sence of humour will get offended and the mods will remove it
enjoy it while it lasts
i know it's possibly a little close to the nail (see what i did there;) ) i bet someone with no sence of humour will get offended and the mods will remove it
enjoy it while it lasts
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
just found this on another site and had to share it
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school? did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
just found this on another site and had to share it
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school? did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
Posted:
Oral Class
Oral
Class Some men see things and say why....
I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?
Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
the last one is by far the best
the last one is by far the best Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
Posted:
https://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5081744.stm?ls
hehe thats funny
https://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5081744.stm?ls
hehe thats funny
Some men see things and say why....
I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?
Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
I passed the list on to all the employees at work...they fired me...I think I will do a few mass emails
I heard about that statue thing this morning
nothing funny...i'm not a funny person...not when i try to be...not even funny looking
that's the best I can do
I passed the list on to all the employees at work...they fired me...I think I will do a few mass emails
I heard about that statue thing this morning
nothing funny...i'm not a funny person...not when i try to be...not even funny looking
that's the best I can do
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
>Scenario:
>
>You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
>
>On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire
>engine traveling at the same speed as you.
>
>In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
>and you cannot overtake it.
>
>Behind you is a helicopter traveling at ground level.
>
>Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
>
>What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? .
>
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>Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.
>Scenario:
>
>You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
>
>On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire
>engine traveling at the same speed as you.
>
>In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
>and you cannot overtake it.
>
>Behind you is a helicopter traveling at ground level.
>
>Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
>
>What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? .
>
>. . . . . . .
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>Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.
Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
Posted:
lolol I got sent that the other day dude
how about this
Take just a moment. How cool are you?
Take the Cool Person Test .
https://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm
lolol I got sent that the other day dude
how about this
Take just a moment. How cool are you?
Take the Cool Person Test .
https://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm
Some men see things and say why....
I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?
Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
DON'T call me a 2 bit punk
score one for the anit-chav crew
DON'T call me a 2 bit punk
score one for the anit-chav crew
BRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
Posted:
*laughs at Rave* "ouch it hurts"
the funniest thing i have seen recently....
some of the Bits on the Play DVD
*laughs at Rave* "ouch it hurts"
the funniest thing i have seen recently....
some of the Bits on the Play DVD
Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
*shudders* step in a tu tu.......................but matty b in a pirate costume made me giggle
*shudders* step in a tu tu.......................but matty b in a pirate costume made me giggle
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KYYzyo4TO4&search=chopper%20read
rip off of "chopper" read *WARNING contains foul lunguage.................also very funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KYYzyo4TO4&search=chopper%20read
rip off of "chopper" read *WARNING contains foul lunguage.................also very funny
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
Paul McCartney is being interviewed on telly by Michael Parkinson.
Michael says " Well Sir Paul, given your recent history in the field of matrimony, I guess it'll be some time before you go down on one knee again "
Paul says " Actually Michael, I'd prefer it if you refered to her as Heather!"
-----------------------------------------------
A poem by Sir Paul McCartney
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt
and her leg fell in the river
ROFL 
Paul McCartney is being interviewed on telly by Michael Parkinson.
Michael says " Well Sir Paul, given your recent history in the field of matrimony, I guess it'll be some time before you go down on one knee again "
Paul says " Actually Michael, I'd prefer it if you refered to her as Heather!"
-----------------------------------------------
A poem by Sir Paul McCartney
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt
and her leg fell in the river
ROFL member
33 posts
Location: london
33 posts
Location: london
Posted:
yesterday i watched some people trying to put stakes in for our tent ha ha ha ha now that was funny.
liam
yesterday i watched some people trying to put stakes in for our tent ha ha ha ha now that was funny.
liam
member
33 posts
Location: london
33 posts
Location: london
Posted:
oh i didnt see it but portugal winning and all this damn world cup crap gone wooohhhh*dances around strips of runs round then types some more*hhoooooooooooo
oh i didnt see it but portugal winning and all this damn world cup crap gone wooohhhh*dances around strips of runs round then types some more*hhoooooooooooo
Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
Posted:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=RUCZJVJ_M8o&feature=Views&page=1&t=a&f=b
Odd Computer Bug
https://youtube.com/watch?v=RUCZJVJ_M8o&feature=Views&page=1&t=a&f=b
Odd Computer Bug
Some men see things and say why....
I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?
Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Draven, [censored]!
Draven, [censored]!
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton
Posted:
you love me Really Doc
you love me Really Doc Some men see things and say why....
I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?
Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA
SILVER Member
addict
567 posts
Location: USA
addict
567 posts
Location: USA
Posted:
Damnit Draven!!!!! I did NOT see that coming.. God bless america, i screamed like a girl scout at a cookie convention..
Damnit Draven!!!!! I did NOT see that coming.. God bless america, i screamed like a girl scout at a cookie convention..
"I don't know what you are talking about"
"Cardinal!!! Poke her... with the SOFT CUSIONS!!!!"
"Its not working my lord!"
"Have you got all of the stuffing on one end?!"
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
sweet smell of success
sweet smell of success
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