Forums > Social Chat > Frustration
Login/Join to Participate177 posts
Location: San Antonio, Texas, USA
So sorry for this, but I have a rant, and I need advice yet again.
Zeik is home (Happiness and joy
)I need him to hold me, and its driving me crazy because he just doesn't get it. I am head over heels in love with him, but its driving me crazy. Guys, how do I tell him what I need without sounding like I'm nagging or needy?
Any advice would be appreciated
and 
Ash
Ash Blackstar
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But Whips and Chains excite me"
"Only way to deal with Drama, heavy weaponry and a strong does of grow the Hell up"
"I reject your reality and substitute my own" Adam Savage - Mythbusters
Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
How about hugging him a lot more and telling him how good it feels to have him hold you?
Or, just come out and say you want to be held more. Drop the NEED word, and it suddenly sounds a lot nicer.
Or, even better, tell him you like the feeling of his strong biceps and chest against you, or something else putting the need to be held as a desire for parts of his body that he can be proud of.
Basically, dress it up, and don't forget, if you TRULY love him, then you don't NEED his hugs, but they would be nice...
HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
3,777 posts
Location: brizvegas, Australia
hmm...i reckon you have a few options here...
1) arms out, cute smile and in an even cuter voice say loudly "HUG ME"
or
2) make up a book of 30 cheques that are valid for one hug each...give them to him and tell him they are only valid for a month and only with you
or
3) tell him straight out. say 'i love you and i love your arms around me. hug me dammit!' ok maybe not the dammit bit...
or
4) (and this one will be a bit harder!) don't touch him for a whole day! just look lovingly at him...*hopefully* he will get the hint or just won't be able to resist holding you!
*fingers crossed* much luck and lovely hugs to you!! do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!
if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!
smile! :grin: it confuses people!
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
Being with a person who is not overly affectionate all the time I totally understand (although at other times I need a crowbar to get him off me)...
My way of getting a hug in the moments where he is not being affectionate is just by tapping him on the shoulder and just simply saying...."can I please get a hug"...give him the puppy dog eyes at the same time...trust me most men can't go passed that.
Another one is by saying "I've had a rough day I could really use a hug."
Good luck!
237 posts
Location: Waterford, CT
Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing about like, complementing certain parts of the body. I would go for simple things like just snuggling under one of his arms while he's sitting and saying something like "I love having your arms around me." Hopefully he'll catch on.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
Ghostbuster
455 posts
Location: York, UK
would taking your top off be going too far ?
177 posts
Location: San Antonio, Texas, USA
Yes taking my top off would probably be going to far. It would be one thing when we are alone, but not in public, and especially not because I live with my mom.
See, he can be extremely affectionate when we are alone, but you get people around and it is almost impossible to get him to touch me on his own. I'm always the one that, for lack of a better term, initiates any physical contact between us. It is so annoying, and I am an extremly physically affectionate person. I am addicted to physical contact.
Ash Blackstar
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But Whips and Chains excite me"
"Only way to deal with Drama, heavy weaponry and a strong does of grow the Hell up"
"I reject your reality and substitute my own" Adam Savage - Mythbusters
505 posts
Location: cambs england
maybe he needs loosening up, in a big way? like a wiggle and a smile?
in state of metamorphosis
60 posts
dnt know if hes like a lot of other guys, but we like having to make the first move about as much as you do. You hav to be very obvious, so as a kind of anology giv him a big wiggle and a big smile. After getin signals wrong before it would take nekedness for me to start nethin most of the time.
I took my harp ta party, but no body asked me to play, so I took harp home again
Ghostbuster
455 posts
Location: York, UK
some guys dont really like to show affection in public but dont mind it in private. he sounds like that from what you describe. it will most likely be hard to get him to change
member
169 posts
Location: Paris, France, the armpit of europe
i agree with fibble, i am one of those.
-Believing that all has been said and done is like mistaking the horizon for the limits of the world. Voltaire.
-Plus je connais hommes, plus j'aime mon chien. Pascal.
.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
3,777 posts
Location: brizvegas, Australia
my friend liz suggested sitting on him!
do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!
if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!
smile! :grin: it confuses people!
journeyman
91 posts
Location: Houston, TX, in my chair, USA
Do what I do, let him know how much you love him and that the safest place in the world is in his arms. Works with my Jason >^.^<... but he's a hugger anyway. You can also try snuggling into his chest and that *should* plug him into plug mode. When he goes in for the cuddle hit him with the *safest place* thing, guys like to feel like big protectors, especially to the fairer sex, so it'll play on his ego. and if all else fails plant a big wet one on him and hug him tight, or wrap his arms around you for him. He he he, or you could always start glomping him >^.^<
May the flame on your balls not be too hot
99 posts
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Okay, this is just like money in the bank.
For no reason whatsoever walk up to him and say "aww, you look like you need a hug."
Then whenever you want you can just say (with pouty kind of look of course) "Mmmm, you owe me a hug" BOOM money in the bank.
p.s it works with doing the dishes as well......i.e i did the dishes, ergo i get a hug. I probably wouldn't use the word ergo though. Enough, back in my box.
I don't care who you vote for
Just don't vote for the guy who likes war, destruction and earning money over earning respect.
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Ok here is what I would do:-
You say "I require hugs, sometimes in private and sometimes in public. When I need a hug I will give you this sign"
*make a motion that you wouldn't do in your normal life such as slap your thigh in a panto style*
"If you don't fulfil my needs, this is what will happen to you, no matter where we are!"
* rugby tackle him to the floor and leap on his chest. Holding his arms down with your knees tickle him till he cries for mercy or wets his pants*
"you see its simple, hug me or get splatted!!!"
(Disclaimer:- any injuries sustained whilst following this advice is not my fault!)
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
505 posts
Location: cambs england
i slap my thigh in panto style in normal life...i dont, however, get hugs from men
what am i doing wrong?
in state of metamorphosis
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
I couldn't live without hugs and cuddles. I generally say "Come here and hug me now", or "Give me a cuddle". Make sure it's not a question, rather a command, but obviously in a nice tone of voice. Noone who has any form of feelings for you, even if they're only a friend, will be able to resist.
And here's a free one.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
I am with Charles here....If I had the sort of problem that you do I would be doing that....
Its the sort of lovely stuff that works a treat with kids too...
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Griffin are you wearing thigh high leather boots, fish net stockings, a black leotard, fake cats ears, fake cats tail, and a little red waistcoat when you slap that thigh of yours?
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
505 posts
Location: cambs england
*runs to wardrobe*
now i am
in state of metamorphosis
237 posts
Location: Waterford, CT
Written by: Ash
See, he can be extremely affectionate when we are alone, but you get people around and it is almost impossible to get him to touch me on his own. I'm always the one that, for lack of a better term, initiates any physical contact between us.
I get how you feel, my girlfriend can be the same way. Even just around our friends and stuff, she just doesn't really like PDA...any kind at all. It took me a while to break her down. So I don't know if it's the same thing, but I just started with small things like holding hands and just kinda started adding things once she was comfortable and stuff like that.
So...maybe start small, and he'll get the hang of it and get to be more o.k. with it.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
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