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Forums > Social Discussion > controlling emotions
Login/Join to ParticipateSILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I was just wondering if there was anyone who knows of anything you can do or take to help you control your emotions. I’ll give you a little background on the situation.
I’m a little unsure of what I’m feeling. I am happy with my life. I have a caring supportive group of friends, truly beautiful people who I am lucky enough to have in my life at all. I have a respectable job that I am good at, there is room for progression and I am progressing. I have a beautiful home which I share with my best friend; we look out for each others needs and live well with each other. I need nothing, I have worked hard to get to where I am and I am content with the rewards I have reaped. I am as fit and healthy as can be expected and I have a lot of fun doing things I enjoy with people I love very regularly. I eat well, I exercise regularly I take time to rest. I am happy with the person that I am. Perfect. Well almost perfect…
I have cried at least twice a day everyday for the past month, and I can’t stop it. It happens at odd moments. I originally came over to the UK from South Africa 5 years ago and set up a new life for myself on my own. I’ve been back a few times to see my parents and have a bit of a holiday, but only this last time has it had an effect on me.
I can’t even think about my mother without bursting into tears. I just want to move back home, knowing full well that my life there will be no where near as good as I have been able to make it for myself in the UK. I won’t have as much freedom, I won’t have as many options, I won’t be as content, I know all this for certain, yet every fibre of my being just wants me to drop everything I have worked for and to go home. I have decided to give it another two years as I have to pay off my debts and save some money first; to get a better qualification as a ‘just-in-case’ for when I go back and to complete my writing course. So I’ve looked at the situation rationally and made this decision as it is the best for my future. It also leaves open the possibility that I can come back to the UK whenever I want. But in the meantime I can’t stop the crying. It’s been three weeks now and there’s no sign of it stopping. I’m a grown woman. I can’t afford to just start crying whenever my body feels the need. It’s upsetting my family and my friends. Someone just needs to ask me how my holiday was and I am in tears for the next couple of hours. I was just wondering if anyone knew of something I could do or take that would help me to control this? It’s really getting too much for me now. Also have people had similar experiances, or emotions that they just cant explain/control?
I was just wondering if there was anyone who knows of anything you can do or take to help you control your emotions. I’ll give you a little background on the situation.
I’m a little unsure of what I’m feeling. I am happy with my life. I have a caring supportive group of friends, truly beautiful people who I am lucky enough to have in my life at all. I have a respectable job that I am good at, there is room for progression and I am progressing. I have a beautiful home which I share with my best friend; we look out for each others needs and live well with each other. I need nothing, I have worked hard to get to where I am and I am content with the rewards I have reaped. I am as fit and healthy as can be expected and I have a lot of fun doing things I enjoy with people I love very regularly. I eat well, I exercise regularly I take time to rest. I am happy with the person that I am. Perfect. Well almost perfect…
I have cried at least twice a day everyday for the past month, and I can’t stop it. It happens at odd moments. I originally came over to the UK from South Africa 5 years ago and set up a new life for myself on my own. I’ve been back a few times to see my parents and have a bit of a holiday, but only this last time has it had an effect on me.
I can’t even think about my mother without bursting into tears. I just want to move back home, knowing full well that my life there will be no where near as good as I have been able to make it for myself in the UK. I won’t have as much freedom, I won’t have as many options, I won’t be as content, I know all this for certain, yet every fibre of my being just wants me to drop everything I have worked for and to go home. I have decided to give it another two years as I have to pay off my debts and save some money first; to get a better qualification as a ‘just-in-case’ for when I go back and to complete my writing course. So I’ve looked at the situation rationally and made this decision as it is the best for my future. It also leaves open the possibility that I can come back to the UK whenever I want. But in the meantime I can’t stop the crying. It’s been three weeks now and there’s no sign of it stopping. I’m a grown woman. I can’t afford to just start crying whenever my body feels the need. It’s upsetting my family and my friends. Someone just needs to ask me how my holiday was and I am in tears for the next couple of hours. I was just wondering if anyone knew of something I could do or take that would help me to control this? It’s really getting too much for me now. Also have people had similar experiances, or emotions that they just cant explain/control?
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
This is all my own personal opinion, but I'll offer it anyways...
with the things you can't find an answer for, it might take a few people to relate their experiences before you find one you can find comfort in (not necessarily an 'answer', but something that will do in the meantime)
Last year I met someone who really helped me deal with emotional swings.
That doesn't mean to say I've actually been able to do it, but I'm a bit closer to it than I was last year.
It's going to be really hard to explain it here...
It's tied in with meditation and elements of Taoism.
Right... so, one of the main ideas of Taoism is to flow, like water, around obstacles in our lives. To let life happen, without fretting about the future or the past. The object being... to maintain a sense of calm and balance in our lives.
It is in this place of calm and balance (which can also be achieved through meditation - much easier to do than you might think) that we can find clarity, and get to know ourselves better.
Emotions are one of the main upsets to our balance.
Love, anger, happiness, sadness (no matter what the cause of them) - all cloud our ability to maintain calm and balance.
(Because they provide a distraction from ourselves, and often, our focus shifts onto something else)
(It's at this point you kindof have to work it out for yourself, but this is what I did...)
So then...
I've tried to isolate emotions, seperate them from myself when they are threatening to overtake me... and recognise them for what they are.
I say to myself 'ok, I'm feeling really sad and emotional about something', recognise it as an emotion, and then put it in a box in my head... this way, it doesn't take over the rest of my life... it's there, in a little box that I can visit when I feel strong enough to deal with it.
It's kindof like taking back control of your life.
Imagine a fairground swing... you can choose to get on, and be thrown really high into the sky, but you know there will be the downswing too.
Or... just don't get on the swing at all.
It's not about not having feelings... but just having more control of them.
Non-Https Image Link
G'luck
xx
This is all my own personal opinion, but I'll offer it anyways...
with the things you can't find an answer for, it might take a few people to relate their experiences before you find one you can find comfort in (not necessarily an 'answer', but something that will do in the meantime)
Last year I met someone who really helped me deal with emotional swings.
That doesn't mean to say I've actually been able to do it, but I'm a bit closer to it than I was last year.
It's going to be really hard to explain it here...
It's tied in with meditation and elements of Taoism.
Right... so, one of the main ideas of Taoism is to flow, like water, around obstacles in our lives. To let life happen, without fretting about the future or the past. The object being... to maintain a sense of calm and balance in our lives.
It is in this place of calm and balance (which can also be achieved through meditation - much easier to do than you might think) that we can find clarity, and get to know ourselves better.
Emotions are one of the main upsets to our balance.
Love, anger, happiness, sadness (no matter what the cause of them) - all cloud our ability to maintain calm and balance.
(Because they provide a distraction from ourselves, and often, our focus shifts onto something else)
(It's at this point you kindof have to work it out for yourself, but this is what I did...)
So then...
I've tried to isolate emotions, seperate them from myself when they are threatening to overtake me... and recognise them for what they are.
I say to myself 'ok, I'm feeling really sad and emotional about something', recognise it as an emotion, and then put it in a box in my head... this way, it doesn't take over the rest of my life... it's there, in a little box that I can visit when I feel strong enough to deal with it.
It's kindof like taking back control of your life.
Imagine a fairground swing... you can choose to get on, and be thrown really high into the sky, but you know there will be the downswing too.
Or... just don't get on the swing at all.
It's not about not having feelings... but just having more control of them.
Non-Https Image Link
G'luck
xx
Getting to the other side 
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
Awwww Blu, sorry to read that... could it be SAD-related?
[Old link]
Awwww Blu, sorry to read that... could it be SAD-related?
[Old link]
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
You DO come from one of the hottest continents, as much as you have adjusted to life here including our unevitable climate, but there's only so much your body can get used to before it needs to break down completely before picking itself up.
I'm sure there's no coincidence that you just been back to your homeland where your family is. Perhaps you are just experiencing slight guilt about leaving your family behind as most people will in trying to find their own path in life would do. As much as you love the life you made for yourself there is a part of you that feels you belong back to your mother country.
Another thing, you say that everything in your life is near enough perfect. Suppose our fragile human egos are used to having trials and tribulations in our lives that cause us grief but gives us something to strive for and make our live. So your emotions are expecting something to f**k up so you get upset over nothing instead just to restore balance to the natural equilibrium of human existance - 'It will get better'...
and it will, when the sun finally stops hiding behind the bikeshed having a fag...
Take a few of these and call me in the morning...
You DO come from one of the hottest continents, as much as you have adjusted to life here including our unevitable climate, but there's only so much your body can get used to before it needs to break down completely before picking itself up.
I'm sure there's no coincidence that you just been back to your homeland where your family is. Perhaps you are just experiencing slight guilt about leaving your family behind as most people will in trying to find their own path in life would do. As much as you love the life you made for yourself there is a part of you that feels you belong back to your mother country.
Another thing, you say that everything in your life is near enough perfect. Suppose our fragile human egos are used to having trials and tribulations in our lives that cause us grief but gives us something to strive for and make our live. So your emotions are expecting something to f**k up so you get upset over nothing instead just to restore balance to the natural equilibrium of human existance - 'It will get better'...
and it will, when the sun finally stops hiding behind the bikeshed having a fag...
Take a few of these
and call me in the morning... "I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Thanks for your input guys. I'm pretty sure that it is not SAD related as I would describe myself as a happy person.
I'm confident in my decision to go home, and everything I am doing now is part of my plan in moving back. I have a job and a place to live waiting for me, weather I go now or in a few years. Thats not my issue. I am happy about it. I am happy to be here, I am happy with my decision, I am happy to be going home. But I can't stop crying everytime I start thinking about it. I am not even thinking of particularly negative/positive things. The rest of my life isn't affected, I'm my normal chirpy self until someone asks me how my holiday was, or my mom calls, or someone asks me a question about South Africa. I just need to get a picture in my head of a south african beach and I can feel the tears welling. I don't know why. I have to learn to control it, I can't let the next year go by this way. It's making everyone around me edgy.
Thanks for your input guys. I'm pretty sure that it is not SAD related as I would describe myself as a happy person.
I'm confident in my decision to go home, and everything I am doing now is part of my plan in moving back. I have a job and a place to live waiting for me, weather I go now or in a few years. Thats not my issue. I am happy about it. I am happy to be here, I am happy with my decision, I am happy to be going home. But I can't stop crying everytime I start thinking about it. I am not even thinking of particularly negative/positive things. The rest of my life isn't affected, I'm my normal chirpy self until someone asks me how my holiday was, or my mom calls, or someone asks me a question about South Africa. I just need to get a picture in my head of a south african beach and I can feel the tears welling. I don't know why. I have to learn to control it, I can't let the next year go by this way. It's making everyone around me edgy.
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
You have to remember this is a HUGE step for you. The enormity of this and also what you have achieved can be too much for ANYONE to handle...
I'm guessing the debts is still a shadow looming over your head, but still with a long way to go before paying them off you are in a position which is it a reachable target.
My advice is, if this is how you feel, that you are happy but can't stop crying - let yourself cry. You across as someone who tries hard to keep a strong resolve because that's what's has gotten you this far through life. And now you're at a turning point in your life where everything has fallen into place and it's long way off. It seems like if you try to keep it all in you'll make yourself worse because you feel that allowing yourself to be vulnerable will be a weakness, it's not, its just human.
So go on, if you feel like it have a good bawl, let it all out, it's worse if you keep it all in...
I'm guessing the fact that you'll be leaving alot behind is weighing heavy on you too. Well good, anything worth crying over is something to be proud of...
We'll miss you but it's something you have to do.
You have to remember this is a HUGE step for you. The enormity of this and also what you have achieved can be too much for ANYONE to handle...
I'm guessing the debts is still a shadow looming over your head, but still with a long way to go before paying them off you are in a position which is it a reachable target.
My advice is, if this is how you feel, that you are happy but can't stop crying - let yourself cry. You across as someone who tries hard to keep a strong resolve because that's what's has gotten you this far through life. And now you're at a turning point in your life where everything has fallen into place and it's long way off. It seems like if you try to keep it all in you'll make yourself worse because you feel that allowing yourself to be vulnerable will be a weakness, it's not, its just human.
So go on, if you feel like it have a good bawl, let it all out, it's worse if you keep it all in...
I'm guessing the fact that you'll be leaving alot behind is weighing heavy on you too. Well good, anything worth crying over is something to be proud of...
We'll miss you but it's something you have to do.
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Thanks Dave, you're right ofcoarse, and believe me, once I get going I tend to just go with it, but poor Lee doesn't really know what to do with himself and I'm causing my friends uneccessary concern. I've also done it a few times at work and I really don't want to become known as the girl who cries all the time! It's not logical!
And if it's not sorted out, and our paths cross, which they will, I want to see how you deal with a crying 6ft woman...it's scarey!
Thanks Dave, you're right ofcoarse, and believe me, once I get going I tend to just go with it, but poor Lee doesn't really know what to do with himself and I'm causing my friends uneccessary concern. I've also done it a few times at work and I really don't want to become known as the girl who cries all the time! It's not logical!And if it's not sorted out, and our paths cross, which they will, I want to see how you deal with a crying 6ft woman...it's scarey!
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Of course I'm right! I'm Dave!
See! More to me than talking b*llocks (but that is my forte in life...)
Just tell all those in your immediate vicinity (especially Lee) what to expect from you. That you're fine but prone to crying at random momments, that there's nothing they can do about it. Explain that the best thing they can do leave you alone for a bit and carry on their lives (REALLY emphasise this bit! That'll ease their helplessness that can be projected at you that almost certainly makes you feel worse)
As long as you and those around know that, no one feels any pressure to be in a difficult position...
On the other hand you could make Lee watch an endless night of chickflicks with you and blame it on your troubles
Of course I'm right! I'm Dave!
See! More to me than talking b*llocks (but that is my forte in life...)Just tell all those in your immediate vicinity (especially Lee) what to expect from you. That you're fine but prone to crying at random momments, that there's nothing they can do about it. Explain that the best thing they can do leave you alone for a bit and carry on their lives (REALLY emphasise this bit! That'll ease their helplessness that can be projected at you that almost certainly makes you feel worse)
As long as you and those around know that, no one feels any pressure to be in a difficult position...
On the other hand you could make Lee watch an endless night of chickflicks with you and blame it on your troubles
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
dave? Voice of reason? Surely not!!!
It's normally his idea in the first place!
dave? Voice of reason? Surely not!!!
Written by: Neon_Shaolin
On the other hand you could make Lee watch an endless night of chickflicks with you and blame it on your troubles
It's normally his idea in the first place!
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Posted:
well, as a foreign language teacher, I was warned about the effects of homesickness: it seems that its seen as a kind of depression: well you knew that already, but a quick google turned up these links:
https://www.reading.ac.uk/counselling/counselling/Coping%20with%20Homesickness.htm
https://www.loyola.edu/campuslife/healthservices/counselingcenter/hmsick.html
Hope that helps a little
well, as a foreign language teacher, I was warned about the effects of homesickness: it seems that its seen as a kind of depression: well you knew that already, but a quick google turned up these links:
https://www.reading.ac.uk/counselling/counselling/Coping%20with%20Homesickness.htm
https://www.loyola.edu/campuslife/healthservices/counselingcenter/hmsick.html
Hope that helps a little
Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant
Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.
'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi
Pooh-Bah
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
Posted:
hello
first of all big hugs.. the advise above is sound so I will not try to add to it.. have you heard of bach Flower remedies? I swear by them as we all need a little support everynow and then,
https://www.kevala.co.uk/library/bach_flower_level_1/bach_flower_essences,_the_remedies_explored.php
I've used the Olive and the crab apple and I don't know if it's psycosematic (sp) or not.. but *I* personally felt a lot better.. I would recommend honey suckle.. for less than 3 quid from your local hippy/ health food - it might be worth a try??
good luck
hello
first of all big hugs.. the advise above is sound so I will not try to add to it.. have you heard of bach Flower remedies? I swear by them as we all need a little support everynow and then,
https://www.kevala.co.uk/library/bach_flower_level_1/bach_flower_essences,_the_remedies_explored.php
I've used the Olive and the crab apple and I don't know if it's psycosematic (sp) or not.. but *I* personally felt a lot better.. I would recommend honey suckle.. for less than 3 quid from your local hippy/ health food - it might be worth a try??
good luck
I honour you as an aspect of myself..
You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Thanks Guy, reading that has made me feel a little less silly, and I'm onth eright trach with the steps that I have been taking.
Thanks MissStix, I'll be running across the road in a bit to go and pick some honeysuckle up
Thanks Guy, reading that has made me feel a little less silly, and I'm onth eright trach with the steps that I have been taking.
Thanks MissStix, I'll be running across the road in a bit to go and pick some honeysuckle up
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Awww, I know how you feel...
Awww, I know how you feel... "I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I know, everytime I start to read this thread I have to switch between it and an open book I have on my desk to stop myself from blubbing...it takes me ages to read one post! It took me two working days to write my first post in this thread.I have a cold so I've just told everyone in the office that it's just my sinuses...
I know, everytime I start to read this thread I have to switch between it and an open book I have on my desk to stop myself from blubbing...it takes me ages to read one post! It took me two working days to write my first post in this thread.I have a cold so I've just told everyone in the office that it's just my sinuses...
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
SILVER Member
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Posted:
You know, I had an idea to help, but it sucked.
So and remember the good things, the life you have here! The world is smaller, you can save to see your family as often as you can, and we all love you here
T'will be better once the sun comes out...
You know, I had an idea to help, but it sucked.
So
and remember the good things, the life you have here! The world is smaller, you can save to see your family as often as you can, and we all love you here T'will be better once the sun comes out...
ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,384 posts
Location: mancunian, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,384 posts
Location: mancunian, United Kingdom
Posted:
its different for me, my family have gone abroad (well my close family, i dont see the others more than once a year).
at first i was a bit confuzzled and shocked because there would be no-one to fall back on, or to just be there. but now i smile because my 'rents are doing something they wanted to, they are learning from it, and i can speak to them whenever i want, and i smile because i can look after myself without being scared of being alone.
you said lois thinking of SA and home makes you cry, but is it happiness or sadness? maybe the tears can be turned into a smile, knowing you have grown, and your family are always there no matter what.
its amazing what you have done with your life, and i hope those tears are you being proud
maybe this is just another one of those curves of growing, its not just physical, mental and intellectual growth, but maybe emotionally...
im not sure exactly what ive tried to say, but its what i think when it comes to such an amazing person as you are.
right stop typing! tears at my work are not allowed
keep up who you are, and what you feel is the best for you, and you will never go wrong.
its different for me, my family have gone abroad (well my close family, i dont see the others more than once a year).
at first i was a bit confuzzled and shocked because there would be no-one to fall back on, or to just be there. but now i smile because my 'rents are doing something they wanted to, they are learning from it, and i can speak to them whenever i want, and i smile because i can look after myself without being scared of being alone.
you said lois thinking of SA and home makes you cry, but is it happiness or sadness? maybe the tears can be turned into a smile, knowing you have grown, and your family are always there no matter what.
its amazing what you have done with your life, and i hope those tears are you being proud
maybe this is just another one of those curves of growing, its not just physical, mental and intellectual growth, but maybe emotionally...
im not sure exactly what ive tried to say, but its what i think when it comes to such an amazing person as you are.
right stop typing! tears at my work are not allowed
keep up who you are, and what you feel is the best for you, and you will never go wrong. Disclaimer:im not responsible for what i say or do whether it be before,during and after drinking alcoholic substances (owned by BMVC).
Creater of Jenisms(TM)
Virginity like bubble,one prick all gone.
Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
422 posts
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
422 posts
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
Posted:
I don't believe in really *controlling* your own emotions. However, I can understand feeling like you do. Moving away from Atlanta and from the people I had grown to care for so much was really hard. Moving TO Atlanta in the beginning was hard, since I was moving 886 miles from home and everything I knew that was home.
What I do is, since I have been prone to practically manic-depressive behavior, I try to enrich my life as much as possible with positive experiences. Like, today, I was having a truly bad day at work. So, after my shift, I ran upstairs to the office and rolled around in the "spinny chairs."
Try it yourself. Indulge in some simple, innocent fun whenever possible. Even if it's something really dumb. I find fun in doing very simple, almost juvenile activities. Like, when climbing shelves at work, I always pause to pretend like I'm King Kong or a female Tarzan when customers walk past, just to get a laugh at their reactions.
Written by: blu_valley
I was just wondering if there was anyone who knows of anything you can do or take to help you control your emotions. I’ll give you a little background on the situation.
I don't believe in really *controlling* your own emotions. However, I can understand feeling like you do. Moving away from Atlanta and from the people I had grown to care for so much was really hard. Moving TO Atlanta in the beginning was hard, since I was moving 886 miles from home and everything I knew that was home.
What I do is, since I have been prone to practically manic-depressive behavior, I try to enrich my life as much as possible with positive experiences. Like, today, I was having a truly bad day at work. So, after my shift, I ran upstairs to the office and rolled around in the "spinny chairs."
Try it yourself. Indulge in some simple, innocent fun whenever possible. Even if it's something really dumb. I find fun in doing very simple, almost juvenile activities. Like, when climbing shelves at work, I always pause to pretend like I'm King Kong or a female Tarzan when customers walk past, just to get a laugh at their reactions.
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
Emotions are also guides. You seem to have some understanding of the origin of yours, but I suspect if you looked closely, you might find there is more to it, perhaps an underlying issue remaining unacknowledged. Usually when we are aware in our handling of emotions, and use the experience to guide our actions, they do not need controlling. It is like an alarm going off, saying look here, look here... and when you respond appropriately, the alarm stops.
If it does not, and if you are way out of balance, crying all the time, then there is likely something more to work through, and may be other factors involved compounding the situation. Look for unresolved issues, chemical/sleep imbalances, lifestyle choices,stress, avoidances, unconscious habitual behaviours...
I do not believe detachment from your emotions is neccesarily a useful healthy thing, and certainly would not box them away, not ever. Stay connected. It is trying to tell you something. Often when people attempt detachment, they actual are using suppression, which is different altogether. Many people are not ready to apply the concept of detachment to their emotional lives in a healthy manner without some serious exploration and education round what is meant by the term in the Taoist, or Buddhist manner. use with caution. It is easy to think you are maintaining objectivity while actually sweeping important messages into hidden compartments of your mind. Finding the balance between not letting an emotional state dictate all of your behaviour, and yet not ignoring the awareness it has to offer, may be useful, I think.
You can be within the experience of an emotion without losing control, and still access your mental faculties to observe and if necessary alter the experience... You can learn to choose your response. Yet, occasionally losing control is also alright, we can learn from that too! Control itself is largely an illusion anyways. Just watch for the distinction between experiencing an emotion, and indulging in it.Don't get stuck there.
I think awareness may be a better tool than detachment,for emotional balance. I work on it through the practice of insight meditation. Physical exercise is also a powerful complement the meditation and mental exercises, a great way to release pent up emotions.Art too.
If you are right in the middle of an emotional whirlwind, and need to establish balance,taking a moment to breathe deeply and rhythmically is the easiest way I know of. Touching a tree is another. They are very grounding
Something is calling your attention, demanding action, expression... With awareness you are free chose the appropriate way to express it.
A story comes to mind about avoidance of emotion-- One time someone told me of a dream they had. A terrifying, unbearable nightmare, re-eoccurring across a huge span of their lives, influencing much of their behaviour. A monster, a hideous monster, was always chasing her in her dreams, pounding after her,screaming her name, just behind her and out of her vision. She would spend all night running from it, waking exhausted.
Finally, one night, she decided to take control of the situation, and achieving a lucid dream state, turned around to face the monster. To look at it clearly and see it for what it is, and face her fear. As she did, The Monster stopped beside her, smiled, and said" thank god you finally stopped! I was having a hard time getting your attention! I was worried about you. I just wanted to let you know that your shoelaces are untied, so you can fix them before you trip and get hurt!"
Even so called unpleasant states can be informative
Emotions are also guides. You seem to have some understanding of the origin of yours, but I suspect if you looked closely, you might find there is more to it, perhaps an underlying issue remaining unacknowledged. Usually when we are aware in our handling of emotions, and use the experience to guide our actions, they do not need controlling. It is like an alarm going off, saying look here, look here... and when you respond appropriately, the alarm stops.
If it does not, and if you are way out of balance, crying all the time, then there is likely something more to work through, and may be other factors involved compounding the situation. Look for unresolved issues, chemical/sleep imbalances, lifestyle choices,stress, avoidances, unconscious habitual behaviours...
I do not believe detachment from your emotions is neccesarily a useful healthy thing, and certainly would not box them away, not ever. Stay connected. It is trying to tell you something. Often when people attempt detachment, they actual are using suppression, which is different altogether. Many people are not ready to apply the concept of detachment to their emotional lives in a healthy manner without some serious exploration and education round what is meant by the term in the Taoist, or Buddhist manner. use with caution. It is easy to think you are maintaining objectivity while actually sweeping important messages into hidden compartments of your mind. Finding the balance between not letting an emotional state dictate all of your behaviour, and yet not ignoring the awareness it has to offer, may be useful, I think.
You can be within the experience of an emotion without losing control, and still access your mental faculties to observe and if necessary alter the experience... You can learn to choose your response. Yet, occasionally losing control is also alright, we can learn from that too! Control itself is largely an illusion anyways. Just watch for the distinction between experiencing an emotion, and indulging in it.Don't get stuck there.
I think awareness may be a better tool than detachment,for emotional balance. I work on it through the practice of insight meditation. Physical exercise is also a powerful complement the meditation and mental exercises, a great way to release pent up emotions.Art too.
If you are right in the middle of an emotional whirlwind, and need to establish balance,taking a moment to breathe deeply and rhythmically is the easiest way I know of. Touching a tree is another. They are very grounding
Something is calling your attention, demanding action, expression... With awareness you are free chose the appropriate way to express it.
A story comes to mind about avoidance of emotion-- One time someone told me of a dream they had. A terrifying, unbearable nightmare, re-eoccurring across a huge span of their lives, influencing much of their behaviour. A monster, a hideous monster, was always chasing her in her dreams, pounding after her,screaming her name, just behind her and out of her vision. She would spend all night running from it, waking exhausted.
Finally, one night, she decided to take control of the situation, and achieving a lucid dream state, turned around to face the monster. To look at it clearly and see it for what it is, and face her fear. As she did, The Monster stopped beside her, smiled, and said" thank god you finally stopped! I was having a hard time getting your attention! I was worried about you. I just wanted to let you know that your shoelaces are untied, so you can fix them before you trip and get hurt!"
Even so called unpleasant states can be informative
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
True, emotions are not to be feared...
But I do think that being able to seperate them from yourself is a useful tool... as you said, it's all about the balance...
And you don't need to be enlightened to be able to do that...
Fortunately
True, emotions are not to be feared...
But I do think that being able to seperate them from yourself is a useful tool... as you said, it's all about the balance...
And you don't need to be enlightened to be able to do that...
Fortunately
Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
Yes,I think you are right Clare! It is absolutely useful to recognize that your emotions are not your identity!
And to be able to give yourself some peaceful space, while still being present with your emotions, is also a good mental tool . But I think for many people learning to do this while staying fully engaged, rather than detached, is often healthier. Before putting aside an emotion one may want to learn to how look at it carefully, explore it, understand and identify its origins acurately etc etc...
Deattachment is a Buddhist concept , and sometimes a Taoist one, that actually comes far more into play amongst devotees/students of those philosophies during later stages of the practice, ones that have decided not to fully participate in day to day community social/emotional interactions. In the earlier stages it can be used to help to learn mental objectivity, and to lessen suffering by increasing awareness of the relationships between expectation and disappointment.
But it can also be over emphasized. Buddha offered slightly different advice for people wanting to move towards enlightenment through temple vows, active practice etc, then he did for people wanting to live healthier more peaceful day to day lives in their community.
The average person, living within a community, may sometimes take more solace and peace from learning to fully explore our feelings, connections, our grounding, our relationships-- not separating them-- balancing and working with them in a wholistic manner, integrating rather than isolating. The emphasis is sometimes more on awareness and compassion as tools than on detachment.
I don't mean to put down the idea of detachment, at all. Just wanting to balance it with another important idea, that of connection. Maybe its a Yin Yang thingIf one really wants to participate in Flow, it may be just as important to learn to stay fully present and engaged, going through an emotional experience without judging it as something you need to isolate, control or channel in any particular direction...
Yes,I think you are right Clare! It is absolutely useful to recognize that your emotions are not your identity!
And to be able to give yourself some peaceful space, while still being present with your emotions, is also a good mental tool . But I think for many people learning to do this while staying fully engaged, rather than detached, is often healthier. Before putting aside an emotion one may want to learn to how look at it carefully, explore it, understand and identify its origins acurately etc etc...
Deattachment is a Buddhist concept , and sometimes a Taoist one, that actually comes far more into play amongst devotees/students of those philosophies during later stages of the practice, ones that have decided not to fully participate in day to day community social/emotional interactions. In the earlier stages it can be used to help to learn mental objectivity, and to lessen suffering by increasing awareness of the relationships between expectation and disappointment.
But it can also be over emphasized. Buddha offered slightly different advice for people wanting to move towards enlightenment through temple vows, active practice etc, then he did for people wanting to live healthier more peaceful day to day lives in their community.
The average person, living within a community, may sometimes take more solace and peace from learning to fully explore our feelings, connections, our grounding, our relationships-- not separating them-- balancing and working with them in a wholistic manner, integrating rather than isolating. The emphasis is sometimes more on awareness and compassion as tools than on detachment.
I don't mean to put down the idea of detachment, at all. Just wanting to balance it with another important idea, that of connection. Maybe its a Yin Yang thing
If one really wants to participate in Flow, it may be just as important to learn to stay fully present and engaged, going through an emotional experience without judging it as something you need to isolate, control or channel in any particular direction... "God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Ah sweet
Thanks
Ah sweet
Thanks
Getting to the other side
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I've come up with a way to stop myself crying in awkward situations. I have found that I cry about once a day. It's not the full on-blubbing that it was when I first came back to the UK, so it is getting better with time, but there are a good solid 10 minutes of tears that need to be shed. So I pick a time in the morning when it suits me, before I get ready for work or on my walk to work. That way I tend not to do it again for the whole day.
I don't think my tears are negative, infact I'm pretty sure they are born out of a positive emotion, out of love. I'm just afraid of the way I will be percieved when other people see them, and how frustrated it makes me and my frinds. I found out the other day that a frind was withholding information from me because he knew I was upset and didn't want to upset me more. I don't think that that is the kind of upset that I am. I am extremely happy 99% of the day, it's just that 10 minute wobble.
Although I've decided to move back I'll defenitly come back over to the UK every year for a visit, because I have made some beautiful life-long friends and I just couldn't bare not ever seeing any of them again.
I've come up with a way to stop myself crying in awkward situations. I have found that I cry about once a day. It's not the full on-blubbing that it was when I first came back to the UK, so it is getting better with time, but there are a good solid 10 minutes of tears that need to be shed. So I pick a time in the morning when it suits me, before I get ready for work or on my walk to work. That way I tend not to do it again for the whole day.
I don't think my tears are negative, infact I'm pretty sure they are born out of a positive emotion, out of love. I'm just afraid of the way I will be percieved when other people see them, and how frustrated it makes me and my frinds. I found out the other day that a frind was withholding information from me because he knew I was upset and didn't want to upset me more. I don't think that that is the kind of upset that I am. I am extremely happy 99% of the day, it's just that 10 minute wobble.
Although I've decided to move back I'll defenitly come back over to the UK every year for a visit, because I have made some beautiful life-long friends and I just couldn't bare not ever seeing any of them again.
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
BRONZE Member
Macaque of all trades
8,738 posts
Location: wombling free..., United Kingdom
Macaque of all trades
8,738 posts
Location: wombling free..., United Kingdom
Posted:
we'll miss you when you go.. can you find me a job
we'll miss you when you go.. can you find me a job A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.
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